Nasty woman and di guitar
Yuppity yuppity yup!! Wah gwaan TamFam?? Mi deh ya same way a Obama Lan a hol it. But a guess it woan be Obama Lan fi long cause di boss a leggo di ends November. It look like it a guh be eeda Hillary Lan or Trump Lan. At dis point mi don't even know who a guh win cause di ting jus wickedly unpredictable dis year. Mi jus a gwaan watch it still.
Hear wah, bless up all Tambourine Radio and Ragashanti Live listeners. Big up unu self, straight!
Inna di guitar
Da one ya kinda touchy, but work wid me. A bredda meet dis woman an' gi har a talk an' di two a dem start get along. Two-twos dem ting seal up an' relationship a gwaan good.
Di man den tek har on a weekend camping trip to him family cabin in di mountains. Di cabin neva have a modern bathroom. Wen yuh waan use di toilet yuh haffi go outside go use a 'outhouse', jus like di outside toilet dem a our Jamaica.
So dem deh a di cabin an' eat up some food an' ting. Mi nuh know wah dem nyam, but inna di hours a night di woman belly tek har. She did need fi draw fi di toilet fast! Wen she get up an go a di back door a di cabin fi go outside to di toilet she see how out deh dark an' full a bush. She ketch har fraid an' neva waan go out deh. Fi wateva reason, she neva waan wake har man an' ask him fi falla har. But she did jus sure say she nah go out deh.
See di hattaclaps ya now! Yuh nuh know seh unda di pressure a di diarrhoea a come dung pon har she start look roun' inna di kitchen fi supm fi use. She draw fi two pot, but change har mind. She say she jus couldn't see har self a do da ting deh inna di pot dem. She run goh inna di living room, still a look fi supm. And there it was. Har choice fi do da ting deh. Har choice fi har diarrhoea release. Nuh di man guitar! Yes, di man have an acoustic guitar weh him grandfada pass down to him fada, an' den him fada pass it down to him. A one a dem wooden guitar deh weh have di likkle hole inna di miggle. Di guitar was used to play music fi di family ova three generations. Nuff legacy and pride attached to di guitar. An yes, a di same guitar Miss Lady decide fi leggo har dainty load inna.
Because di guitar string dem did a block di hole likkle bit, Ms Presha Roun Deh Soh decide fi tek a knife an' cut di string dem fi free up di entrance to di guitar hole fi she do har ting.
People unuh eva hear anything so cayliss??!!
So she put di guitar pon di back porch a di cabin, squat dung an' full up di guitar hole wid har running belly excretion!
When she done, she use wipes an' clean up harself. Then get dis, di same woman weh seh she use di guitar because she did fraid fi go outside actually did end up go outside quick-quick, an' go neatly puddung di toilet-guitar inna di same woods weh she seh she did fraida! Den run go back inna di house, jump back inna di bed wid har man, and wrap asleep comfortably.
Inna di mawnin she hear di man bawl out a di back, 'What di f-'. She jump outta di bed an' run go roun' a di back a di cabin only fi see di man a kick di guitar an' a hold him nose. Di man deh deh well confuse a seh why would smaddy bruk inna di cabin jus fi do dis to di family guitar?? At dat time him look pon har an' mussi see di living guilt inna har face. Him confusingly remember that late inna di night before she did say she was going to use the bathroom an' a so him ask har if a really she do dis to di guitar. She responded that the running belly did a beat har bad an' dat she did fraid bad an' in all a dat confusion she draw fi di guitar. Cut long story short, di man concluded dat it was di strangest ting him eva see smaddy do, an' dat him jus cyaan forgive har fi do dat to di family guitar. Di dawg pack up everything an' di two a dem drive back to di city in total silence.
As soon as dem reach di city, him mek har know dat there was no way him coulda continue inna a relationship wid har. An' jus like dat di relationship done right deh so. All because of har bottom violation pon di sacred guitar.
Mi nuh know still, It might look a way seh him neva did haffi go soh far fi break up wid har, but, seriously, she shouldn't go do-do inna di man family guitar dem way deh. She brite!
Anyways, sen mi unuh mix-up dem at firstname.lastname@example.org. See unuh next week Thursday same place yah so. Till den, bless up unuh self.