What a name mix-up?!
Yoggo, yow, yow, yow! Wah gwaan TamFam? Unuh good? Big up all Tambourine Radio and Ragashanti Live listeners. Straight blessings.
No hitching, straight to di drama.
People, kack unuh ears and ketch da one yah. Yuh nuh know seh mi bredren Lando Hype from New Jersey did a go keep him year-to-year birthday party. Him link mi seh him waan mi host it and mi accept and mek him sen on di deposit. Anyways, drama reach him and him nah keep di party again, so him link mi and ask if him can get back di deposit, so mi say, 'Yeah, man.' Arrangement den mek fi mi drap it off inna him account a di bank. So mi shot go dung a one Bank of America and when mi a mek di deposit, a di teller mek mi know seh mi did haffi deh deh a wait likkle bit.
While mi deh a di counter, mi yeye dem stray and go faas pon weh a man next to mi did a write. Pon di paper weh it ask fi him name, him write 'Inaami'. As mi see it, mi start reason to miself seh what a ting eeh, di man first name sound like how we woulda say 'in a mi' inna patwa. Mi all did a pree say di actual pronunciation coulda well different from how we Jamaicans talk, but him first name still did sound like our 'in a mi', which of course, translates to 'inside of me'.
FUNNY LAST NAME
TamFam, yuh nuh know seh right afta dat, mi see di man last name and nearly drap dung. Mi did haffi tun weh mi yeye dem likkle bit and look again fi see if mi really did a see weh mi a see. Lo and behold, it was di same shocking ting. Yuh nuh know say di man last name is ... wait for it ... COUCHIE! A swear, di man last name a Couchie. Mi couldn't believe it!
So dis man full name was Inaami Couchie! If we pronounce it as Jamaicans, we'd get 'In a mi Couchie'. Smaddy can name so? Fi real?
Seriously doe, yuh can imagine if dat deh man deh did grow up a Jamaica? Yuh can imagine how dem woulda kill dat wid teasing?
Jamaican ladies unuh ansa dis: if unuh did meet da man deh and did jus know him by a nickname, fell in love wid him, cause him kind, wealthy, inna good job, ambitious, great sense of humour, good looking, devoted to yuh, treat yuh like yuh a di only woman in di world, sort out tun up, swiping slap weh, mek yuh totally secure, and then afta all dat yuh find out say him name 'Inaami Couchie', unuh woulda still deh wid him? Talk truth! Nuff a unuh Jamaican woman couldn't deal wid dat. Imagine, yuh deh roun' yuh parents and yuh a call yuh man and bawl out, 'INAAMI COUCHIE!' Waaaiiiieee!!!! Mi cyaan badda.
Mi seh, a bare crazy scenario mi a imagine wid di name.
So mi go talk bout it pon Ragashanti Live pon Tambourine Radio, and one a mi listener dem go search fi di name pon di net and find one name almost identical, it jus spell likkle different Innami Couchie. Yup, go online and check di White Pages. Da spelling ya even closer to how we talk, particularly wid di 'inna'. Sas Crise! Dem people deh wid dem name deh betta don't go live a Jamaica or else dawg nyam dem suppa.
But look pon di brighter side, it coulda worse. Wah if him last name was hole? Mi belly! A cyaan tools it! Noooo sah! Yuh know wah, mek a behave miself before di boasy people dem a Jamaica come tek set pon mi again.
But wah if di bredda a yuh bredren and yuh a go link him, and, for example, yuh pastor ask yuh, 'So where are you going now?' and in responding with the truth to your pastor, you correctly identify the name of your friend to whom you would be going and say 'Innami Couchie' or 'Innami Hole'. Di poor pastor woulda mus drap dung.
All right, mi done now fi real. All mi haffi seh is thank God fi mi likkle piece a name. At least nuh presha nuh deh pon it.
A leggomentz ya now still. Send mi unuh drama dem at email@example.com. See unuh next week Thursday, same place yah so inna di STAR. Stay safe. Tamfam fi life!!