Never do a public surprise proposal

January 31, 2017

There is a video circulating around social media with a young man on his knee proposing to his girlfriend.

She not only rejected him, but asked him if he was out of his mind since 'di two a dem still a tek bus'.

The incident was not actually real but, of course, the responses have ranged from hilarious to genuine concern.

Most of them insulted the girlfriend because to some, she looked like a gold digger who wanted a 'car man'.

Some even said that he was better off without her because she wants someone she can use.

I saw it differently. I know the idea of a surprise proposal sounds very romantic, and if one looks at the movies and even love songs, it seems that's the way to go, but I beg to differ.

First of all, I believe that couples should discuss certain things before they get engaged.

1) Where will you live as a couple?

Some couples don't live together, and the decision about where to live is something that you should discuss so that you are both happy with your home - wherever it ends up.

How much space do you require? Can the home accommodate your requirements? Can you afford the type of home that you want? These are all important things that you should explore.

2) What is your financial status?

When a couple gets married, they immediately are affected by each other's financial status. So if your new spouse has a $5 million debt from 10 years before you met, you will now automatically inherit 50 per cent of that debt.

Don't you want to know? I recommend that you sit with a financial professional and discuss your status and options.

3) How important is religion to you?

Religious people expect their spouses to participate in their religious activities, holidays, and other required events. Are you prepared to do that?

Do you and your partner share religious views? It will be difficult to be in a marriage with your religious partner if you are not on the same page.

If you practise separate religions, how will you decide on the religion to raise your children?

4) Do you want children? How many?

Unfortunately, many couples don't have any discussions about children because it is assumed that everyone wants to have them.

This is not the case, and as a couple, you should be very clear about what you want before you think about getting married.

This is a deal breaker for many individuals as compromise on this issue leaves one partner not having his or her needs met.

5) How involved will your family be in your life?

Extended family can make a marriage feel more supported and it can also leave the couple divided.

The outcome is dependent on the health of these relationships, and the amount of access and input they have in the marriage.

In-laws have been the source of conflict for many relationships, so as a couple, you need to decide how involved your family will be in your relationship.

If as a couple in real life you are having this conversation, then the engagement will never be a surprise because the conversation is the first step to planning a life together.

So you will not be left on your knee while your partner runs away when you finally propose. Deciding to be with each other for life takes planning, and participation from both of you so do it together.

Have fun and stay sexy!

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