Conflict resolution is important in relationships
Every relationship has conflicts. As a matter of fact, it’s expected as human beings to have different opinions, so conflict is inevitable. In intimate relationships, arguments are very personal, which is part of the reason why the partners are so passionate.
A typical couple has about seven arguments per week, according to research done by Nikki Sellers, head of home insurance at Esure in the UK, who carried out a survey, that included 3,000 couples. In the survey, they were asked about conflict in their relationships.
In the wake of reports of women being abused and even killed as a result of domestic violence, it is very important that we find more effective ways of dealing with our conflicts.
So, let’s explore some of the things we can do to resolve conflicts in intimate relationships.
Try to notice when your anger is getting out of hand.
Most people have problems controlling their anger, and making decisions in that mental state is not ideal. As individuals, we have our own barometer for anger, and it’s important to recognise when one is reaching a danger point. Once you feel yourself getting there, step away from the conflict and allow for calm before proceeding.
Write down the issues that you are having with your partner before you speak to each other.
One of the biggest issues we have in relationships is communication. If you can take the time to clarify your thoughts and feelings on paper before you speak with your partner, it will help you to better articulate what is bothering you.
Be an active listener.
Many of us are guilty of being in an argument, and instead of listening to what the other person is saying, we are mentally planning what our response will be. This is not active listening. It’s important to pay close attention to what your partner is saying so that you can better understand the message and start working on a solution.
Be prepared to wait for your partner to calm down before you proceed with resolving your conflict
There’s an old Jamaican adage that says, “don’t drink yuh tea when it hot”. While you feel that the problem must be resolved right away, you may have to allow for your partner to get to that point.
See a third party if you are having challenges coming to a resolution as a couple.
Not every couple can solve all their conflicts by themselves and will need the assistance of a third party. Getting a professional to take a look at some of your issues may be one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Having an objective voice will help you both to empathise with each other and arrive at a solution sooner.
Of course there is no one formula that will help every couple solve their issues, but the real progress is when you choose to participate in working on your union. Too many relationships get to the point where uncontrollable anger reigns free, and sometimes violence can be a result of that. Try to keep the communication open, and learn together how to be better at talking to each other.
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