The 90-day rule

April 25, 2017

When it comes to relationships, there is an unwritten rule that women are supposed to withhold sex in a new relationship for as long as possible.

This is somehow a sign that she's chaste and eligible for marriage. In the movie Think Like a Man, based on a book of the same name written by comedian Steve Harvey, a character demonstrated the 90-day rule.

The author explained the rule's validity by citing the probationary period in a corporation in which a new staff member must perform on a certain level for the first three months before he becomes full-time staff and is eligible for the full benefit package.

Personally, I'm never in favour of any rule that attempts to decide how people act in relationships simply because they are so dynamic and largely dependent on the individuals' preferences.

I get the thought process behind the 'probationary period', but it does not guarantee a successful relationship.

At the end of the day, people are guarded when they start new relationships, and I understand why these types of rules may seem attractive to them.

Here are some more practical guidelines that will help to ease the anxiety of dating:


Be honest with your intentions


If you intend to wait 90 days before you get intimate with a new partner, tell the individual. Give the person a chance to decide if he or she wants to also wait. It would be unfair to make this decision and the poor person has no idea that "shop lock" for the next three months.


Go with your instincts


While deciding to spend time with someone for 90 days without intimacy, if you eventually change your mind, that's OK. If by day 38 you feel comfortable enough to do the deed, go for it! At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself.


Don't push it, don't force it, let it happen naturally


Chemistry and sexual attraction are things that usually happen naturally between adults. If you find yourself trying to create it, that's an indication that perhaps this partner may not be into you.


Ask for what you want


It's simply not possible to stress how important communication is to a relationship. New relationships require clear communication even more because individuals don't have the benefit of knowing the person. It's even more important when it comes to your sexual experiences with each other, after all, neither of you reads minds.


Don't be afraid to walk away if it's not working


It's hard to invest in the 90 days and go ahead with getting intimate. But if the relationship is not what you want, don't be afraid to walk away. If you feel this miserable at the beginning of a relationship, usually called the 'honeymoon period', then you are not off to a great start.

For many persons, adding sex to a new relationship means that they have made a commitment; for others, not so much.

It's important to make it clear to your partner where you stand. Sexuality is a vital part of happy relationships, so figure out what works for you and make it happen.

Have fun and stay sexy!

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