Fass & Curious : Taxi driver talk up di tings dem!

August 22, 2016

What a gwan, mi people? Lawd, what a way Jamaica hot yah now! No pun intended, but between the medals we chomped at the now-concluded Olympic Games in Rio, Brazil, and the weather out yah, bwoy, the heat is real!

Mi love ittttttttttt!!! Our athletes did us proud! Big up to all the bandwagonists dem and all who just remember dem come from Jamaica because we colour did look pretty pon dem TV! Yeah, wi likkle bit, but wi tallawah! A wah?! Me seh when Bolt say "No bwoy", me swear Sista P was gonna pop and say, "No gal no day!" LMAO! Okay, I'm done! Wooooie! Dwl!

Anyways, the other day, I took a Papine taxi from Half-Way Tree, St Andrew, and I laugh till I weak. Like, seriously, I had to record the man - secretly, of course! He was talking to a Rastaman on the back seat, "Yuh know say the man weh did a try get yuh inna him taxi his him and him wife a load the car?! Yeah, man! A him woman! Two a dem a load car!"

The female passenger in the front asked him, "So wah wrong with dat?" His response had the car laughing with his outburst, "Move from yah and mine me tell yuh tings! Fi mi woman?! Yuh mad?", he said and kissed his teeth. "Me prefer buy har some tissue and soap and she stay home and sell them. Not my hooman! Yuh know how much disrespect she get out deh a daytime pon the stand? She fi stay home. Mek me go do the dutty wuk. She fi stay home! House fi clean and pot fi cook. Better she go tretch likkle rice till me come home!"

I was laughing the hardest. Tretch rice? You know how long I don't hear that. Sound like some granny talk. "Yuh fi leave the people dem, though," I said to him, "they building together!"

He was quick to reply: "Understand me nuh, my girl. Nuh because we a poor people wi fi go dung to certain level. Right now if yuh meet a bwoy and him nah talk bout house and wah car and how fi live, nuh bada wid him!"

He noticed that I had my phone on him as he was talking and he obviously didn't like it. "A wah yah do? Video? Hey, gweh wid dat, enuh!" he said. I had to tell him that I wasn't 'videoing' him, so he calmed down. Upon reaching my destination, he threatened to hit me in my head as I tried to get out of the car on the side that vehicles were passing. "Me tek sinting lick yuh in yuh head, enuh. A dead yuh wah dead off lef yuh pickney!" he said. ROTFL!

Walk good, yah, peeps! Stargossipchica@gmail.com

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