My Confession: I peeped on granny kissing (and it was not Santa Claus)

April 26, 2019

STAR, I grew up in the country with a self-righteous granny. In addition to that, she was very superstitious and would curse me and my sister for the silliest things.

I remember we both got a whipping because we sneezed one Saturday morning as she was about to go to the market. The woman said that when females sneezed near her, her day would likely be filled with bad luck. We both had a cold, but she claimed we spitefully messed her day up.

She was no Christian, but if she ever saw a group of religious people, she would pray the loudest and pretend to be speaking in tongues. As it relates to having a sexual partner, she would always deny that, stating that she was afraid of contracting HIV/AIDS. We didn’t own a TV, so every night, we would go by our neighbour’s house to watch the news, but for some reason, she would make me and my sister take the main road while she took a shortcut through the bushes to his home just because she didn’t want anyone to see her.

It never prevent the rumours from flying that they were a couple, though. To cut a long story short, one day, him come visit us and took a lot of ground provisions fi mi granny, who instantly sent mi and mi sis to the river. We were very young but find it strange that shi was sending us go play by the gully when wi couldn’t even play in the yard.

About 10 minutes after she sent us away, mi sneak and go back to the house, and the doors were locked, suh mi peep through the keyhole, and STAR, there was my granny riding my neighbour like a horse, naked. Mi couldn’t believe it. Mi run go call mi sister, and wi spend the rest of the time watching them through the keyhole.

When she start put on her clothes, wi run back to the river. Long after, wi si shi come call wi and a tell wi how shi wasn’t at home because she had left to go a small fasting with her ‘church’ sisters.

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