Gave him my all, he got another girl pregnant

November 12, 2015

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you. I have been reading your column since I was a child. It has opened my eyes to a number of things. Please keep up the good work. Why is it so hard for good people to find someone to love them? I am 21 and I have been hurt by a young man. I gave this man my all. I was faithful, I washed, I cooked and I cleaned. We had a wonderful sex life. l am very independent.


very hurt


Six months in the relationship I saw a text message in his phone saying, "I left my earrings at your place". I asked him about the text message and he lied. Just a month after that, I went to his house without him expecting me. My world was crushed that night. The same person who left the earrings is now pregnant.

Pastor, my next question is, how can one say they love someone and hurt them? This female doesn't work. She calls and asks him for everything. I am now out of that relationship. I know I am a good woman. Now I feel like every man is the same. I just want a good man to love and to care for and he does the same for me. Pastor, I need love. Please give me your fatherly advice.


Dear K.B.,

You assumed that you were the only woman in this man's life. He might have even told you so. I have said on numerous occasions that men are liars. Some men are angry with me for doing so, but if all are not liars, almost all. Women lie too, and women know how to cover up their evil deeds much better than men. Men give away themselves in many different ways. Oh, yes, I would expect lots of men to call me and blast me for what I have said but that would not change my position at all.

Your relationship with this man was very new. Six months is not a long time to be in a relationship with a man, and evidently, you gave him your all. You even became his helper. You washed, cooked and cleaned and the bedworks was exciting. What you did for this man excited you, but another girl was feeling the excitement, too, that she even left her earring behind. I am sorry you made yourself silly by believing him but I cannot be hard with you because you thought you met a good man, and every girl wants a good man in their life. You are fortunate that you didn't end up pregnant too. You are only 21 years old but all you seem to be interested in is the physical side of love. You talked about the sex and now you are talking about wanting a man to take care of you because you want to be loved.

I am not attacking you. I am only trying to tell you to be sensible. At 21, talk to me about getting a good education and a career. Talk to me about putting yourself in a position where you can support yourself and not be used by a man, because I can guarantee you that there are going to be men who are going to call me and ask me for your name and number because they want to talk to you. And if you are looking for a man who would give you love, all of them will tell you that they are capable of doing so. But you have to be wise and know where you are going. I am sorry for what has happened to you. Look deep into yourself and see where you have gone wrong and don't make that mistake again. I wish you well, and the Lord be with you.


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