He took my virginity, now he has another girl

December 01, 2015

I am 17 and I have a boyfriend. I have never had a party. My parents never kept a birthday party for me. I wanted them to do a party for me when I was 16. My mother said yes. My father said no. You may wonder why my father said no. he asked me who would come to the party and I told him my school friends. My mother told me to make a list of the friends who would come. When my father saw the list, he went through the names one by one and the names he didn't understand, he asked: "Is this a boy or a girl?" I could not lie, so I kept telling him the truth.

He came to the name of my boyfriend and said, "This is a boy," I said, "Yes, daddy." Then he wanted to know where he was from, and I began to lie. I couldn't tell him where I met the guy because I shouldn't be at the place where I met him. My father is an educated man. He asked, "Is this guy an ordinary friend?" I said, "Yes, daddy." He asked me if the guy loves me. I said, "I don't know." He asked, "Then why are you inviting him?" I told him as a friend. My father said, "Cross out his name." I took the list and went into my room and cried. My mother came in and asked me why I was crying and I told her dad does not want me to have a party. She went to my dad and he told her that I am not having the party because I want to bring a boy that he doesn't know to his yard and I am a liar, so I did not have a party. My boyfriend promised that he would put on a party for me when I was 17. He would organise it at his sister's house. Luckily for me, my father was off the island, so I went. My mother did not know that it was at this guy's house. I told her I would sleep over. I slept with my boyfriend after the party and we had sex. He took my virginity at my 17th birthday party. I love him so much, but now I am worried because he told me that he has another girl and they are friends. Sometimes I feel like killing myself because I love him so much.


Dear R.D.,

You may think that you tricked your father, but he is a good man. He was only trying to protect you and he was quite correct in doing so. He knew that young men are eager to have sex with girls when they turn 16. He wasn't against you having a sweet 16 birthday party, as it is called, but he realised that you were lying. Evidently, you were afraid to tell him the truth, so, to punish you, he said no party. I suppose that for one year you and this young man planned another party, one that your father could not stop because he was abroad, and your naive mother didn't question you much. You were anxious to give away your virginity and so you did. But, you see, lies can be so funny. This guy wants more of you. When young men can't have their way all the time with girls, they always tell them they can't do without sex so they have to have another girl on the side. I hope that you would not assure him that you would try your best to meet his needs and have sex with him more often. If he had the opportunity, he would have sex with you every day and still not be satisfied. So, listen to me now young lady: you are young and you have much to learn. Dry your tears. Concentrate on your future. Don't put your heart into this guy. Life is much more than sex. Get yourself a good education. It is the best way forward. The young man told you he has another girl. She is likely to find him out if she can't have sex with him at all times. Don't try to trick your parents anymore. Perish the thought of hurting yourself or taking your own life. If this guy had loved you, he wouldn't be telling you about the other girl. He is a great pretender. You must tell yourself that you are worth much more than what he can offer and that you are special. One of these days, he may regret tricking you because you will excel in life.


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