My husband changed after I bought him a car


January 28, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 39. My husband is 38. I gave this man five children. And during the time when he couldn't get a work, I supported him. My family members helped me with the children. We are Christian people. My husband encouraged me to borrow money and to buy him a car to run taxi. I didn't want to, but finally I agreed so that he can do something to help us and to take the children to school. Since he got the car, he is a changed man. He became abusive and when we want him, he is too busy. He has lots of women. I asked him where all these women came from or why they didn't help him when he was down. He even put his hand on me in front of the children. So the older children hate him. He calls me old, but I am only one year older than he is. I told him that we need to go and seek a family counsellor but he refused. He curses all counsellors. I am fed up. He comes in, eats, drinks, have his shower, and leaves again. When he feels like it he puts down some money but not a lot. Imagine, he has a car and the children still struggle to go to school. So the money that he leaves, he expects me to cook for him, I use the money to pay the transportation for the children to go to school. And I stopped cooking for him. My church sisters say I should not stop cooking his meals, but they don't know what I am going through. I don't have any feelings for this man. I cannot tell you when last we had sex. I am hoping to hear from you soon.


Dear F.D,

Some folks would say that you were silly to borrow money and give your husband to buy a car to do taxi work. But I must assure you that you haven't done anything wrong. You tried to get him to do his own business and to earn enough to support his family. He has used the opportunity to waste his substance. Other men have done similar; some men cannot understand that there are women who love them because they are driving cars. These women need free rides. They have nothing to offer them, but a little sex. These men lose much more than the women. They have to maintain the cars, and take care of themselves and give these women the money. So it is only foolish men who blow their money that way. Some men have two and three homes to maintain and when the women don't see them, they call and harass them. Why should your children continue to have difficulty to go to school and your husband is a taxi driver? This man, I repeat, is very silly. Regardless of what is going on between both of you, he should take care of his children. He should pick them up and take them to school, and after school, take them home. I know that there are some people who would criticise you for not cooking for him. I hope that you have not just totally stopped, but that you have made it clear to him that the money is not enough to buy grocery and to pay for the children to go to school. He should understand that he should not waste his money on other women, while your home is left to suffer. Frankly, I don't' like a woman not providing meals for her man if he is supporting the house financially. However, from what you said he is not doing so. So, you should tell him why he will not get any dinner when he comes home. I hope that you will not get into any argument with any woman with whom your husband might be having an affair. Live above that sort of nastiness. Do your best to be a good wife. Your husband doesn't want to go for counselling. I hope that he would come to himself and stop his careless living before you make up your mind to leave him.


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