My boyfriend has been taking me for granted


March 01, 2016

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend and I had a disagreement recently. I saw him on Wednesday when I spent the night with him. Yesterday I was telling him how much I missed him and I wanted to be with him; yes, and I needed some sex. He wasn't coming to see me, so I told him if he doesn't want to have sex with me I will get a sex toy. He went on and said, "You don't need one". I got mad and told him what to do with his mother and to leave me alone. He told me not to text him back and called me a bitch.

Pastor, I know I shouldn't have said that. I don't usually curse bad words although he does, but I believe he brings out the worse in me. I feel awful to have made such a low utterance. I still love him and want to be with him. He has done worst to me and I have forgiven him, so I am waiting to see if he truly loves me. I have never been so rude to him or to anyone before, so it's either he forgives me or not. Even if he doesn't, I can apologise. Believe me, Pastor, he has done worst to me, but we have never had a physical fight. If it should ever get to that stage, I will walk away.

You know, Pastor, if he says no sex and still come and hang out with me I would be happy because we would be together, but having a little sex and no 'hang time' makes me mad. The worst thing is, if he hears I am out having a good time, he 'blows up' my phone and would curse me and demand that I go home or tell me that he is coming to get me. If I talk to anyone, he gets mad.

He will get all the submission from me when he begins to give me more of his time. Maybe if he gives me more of his time I wouldn't crave sex from him so much. If he gives me more of his time, I would be contented. He wants to hold on to me as much as possible and give me what he wants and when he wants me. That's not fair. I am a one-man woman. He knows that he is the only man I am desirous to have intimately. I am so simple and sexy and a sweetheart. I am trying to find out where his interest is.


Dear K.,

It is evident that you are too hot for your boyfriend to handle. You want to see him 24-7. This man is trying to keep up, but you want more and more of him and there is a danger here. If you don't use common sense you are going to run him away. And he is not going to trust you either because he is going to believe that if you cannot exercise restraint when he is not with you; and when you do go out, you may go with other guys. You made a big mistake when you cursed this man and told him what he should do with his mother.

I know you say that you regret saying that to him, but it has already been said and he will never forget what you told him. That is disrespectful. You say that this man does not spend much time with you but when he is not with you, where is he? I don't get the impression from your letter that he is working long hours. If both of you love each other and believe you have a future together, you have to learn to respect each other and to communicate well.

Therefore, I suggest that both of you go and see a family counsellor and try to resolve your differences.


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