My husband spends too much on his mother, brother


March 02, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for two years now, but my husband and I were together for six years before we got married. I currently have a child with my husband. My problem is that my husband's mother and brother are too dependent on him to take care of them. Don't get me wrong, I love them and I do believe that a son should take care of his mother, but not like this. She is working, but she wants my husband to send his brother to school, pay his school fees and buy groceries while she saves her money.

I am in my last year at university and we also have our home to complete, but we have to put the completion on hold because every week she wants him to buy something for her. I spoke to him about it and all he said is that I should understand that she is his mother and she needs the help. She has a man in her life who also works, plus she has another son that works, but because she knows that my husband is too kind to say no, she abuses it.

I don't want to come between him and his mother, but my child and I are being affected. We want things for ourselves, but I have to ask for it, and if he doesn't approve of it, we won't get it. However, anything his mother asks for she gets. I know he loves us and will do his best to make sure we are OK, but this is affecting our marriage.


Dear J.S.,

You have a very good husband, but judging by what you have said, his mother is unreasonable and she is also demanding. She knows that her son loves her and will always try to help her, but she is not using common sense. There are some mothers who expect their sons to give them money every week and to pay their bills although they are working. Children should indeed assist their parents, but when parents are still employed and earning, they should support themselves and save as much as they can for the rainy day. You say that this woman has her man. Perhaps she does not want to ask him for anything, but if he is a good man she wouldn't have to ask. He would see her needs and assist. That is if he is a good man.

This is a delicate situation. You have reminded your husband that he has to take care of his immediate family. That's good enough. Do not say anything more. He told you that it is his mother. If you were to say more, he may react by saying that he could get another wife, but he cannot get another mother, so please, leave him alone. If something is needed for the house tell him, and if it is not provided after a week or so, a gentle reminder is good enough. But I repeat, don't fuss. Don't come between a man and his mother.


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