In love with a married man


March 04, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I live in St Thomas. I have a friend who lives on another island. She does exotic dancing/prostitution to survive. She introduced me to the business and hooked me up with the same workplace.

I only knew about the prostitution part after I went there.

I got into the country by somebody receiving me as my boyfriend. We met over the Internet.

I started working in a club there. A lot of girls got jealous when I was there. One night I met a man who came to the club with friends. We had fun dancing together. We all went home happy that night. The guy gave me his number. A friend of his gave me his number as well.

The following day one of the guys and I started texting, but I didn't like him. I had some kind of feeling for the other guy although he didn't text me. I continued communicating with the guy I didn't like because he was the one texting me.

Another day I met the guy that I liked. He said he had lost my number so I gave it to him. I decided to go with him. I had sex with him. It was about five in the morning when he got a call. He said it was from his wife. I was so hurt. He took me home and went home. I laughed at the thought of me falling in love with a married man. He came to the club at nights, tipping me when I was dancing.


One particular night he came to the club looking for me. The dancers told him I was upstairs doing business (prostitution). I was upstairs with another dancer because she wasn't feeling well.

When I came down he asked how I could be doing 'business'. He was upset. I shouted at him and walked away crying. He came to me and said he didn't mean anything by what he said, it was just what the other girls had said I was doing. He said he didn't believe them and something was happening to him because he realised he loved me, based on how he reacted when the other girls told him what I was doing.

I cried so much that night. I didn't want to see him. He came to me on his knees, asking for forgiveness. I couldn't believe it. We got into a relationship. I found out that he even told his wife about this nice person he met at the club, which was me. I stopped dancing when we started a relationship. We both love each other.

One day I got a message from his wife, wanting to meet me, for us to get to know each other. I was upset. She took my number from his phone and started texting me.

I was upset. We got into an argument. When I told him what she did, he was upset too. She called me a bitch and other names. This guy told me his marriage was a mess before he met me, so I am not the reason why they are breaking up.

My boyfriend took me to his home, told his wife that he loves me, we are in a relationship and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We got into an argument again.

Before we went to the house, I told my boyfriend we couldn't see each other again because he was married, but he just won't let go.

I love this man so much, I would die for him. He loves me too. This guy talks to everyone about me, even at his workplace, saying how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I don't know what to do. His wife said she doesn't love him anymore, but if he leaves she is going to take his kids away from him. What should I do?


Dear S.J.,

You got involved with a man from another country who is married. You didn't know much about this man. In the first place, you got into the country by lying and were working illegally. Whenever a person is not straight, by that I mean not operating according to law, anything can happen.

This married man told you he wanted you to be his woman and he was not getting along with his wife, but you were not the cause. That is what most married men tell women when they meet them. So whether he is speaking the truth, you cannot be sure.

You were wrong in allowing him to take you to his matrimonial home to meet his wife. You should not have gone there. His wife is queen of that house, you were an outsider. You made a big mistake.

This woman is verbally abusing you, her way of telling you she is unhappy with what you are doing, destroying her marriage. I am sure she can make life very miserable for you. Be wise not to attack this woman verbally or otherwise. You should consider seriously ending the relationship with this man. If you want to work at the club, make sure you get a work permit.


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