Should I tell him about my wild past?


March 15, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I don't know where to begin. I am 17 and a sixth-form student at a prominent high school in the Corporate Area.

I am from a relatively poor family. Things keep falling apart. Now we hardly have basic amenities.

My mother used to curse me when she was frustrated because she could not provide for me and my siblings.

My father spends his money elsewhere, whether at bars or on other women. Due to his behaviour, he has outside children.

I miss school a lot because my mother does not have the money to send me. I stay at home with my brother, who is a few years younger than I am.

I have no textbook. My frequent absence from school shows bitterly in my academic performance. School is my refuge, even though I don't go often.

I feel alone. I have few friends at school. The verbal abuse from my mother, and my father's absence from home, do not make it any better.

I become sad fast as life was not always like this. All of this started after I passed my Grade Six Acheivement Test.

To make myself feel better, I have been in many relationships. I do not have sex with most of them. I lost my virginity in Grade 10 to a schoolboy. Our relationship lasted for roughly three years. He started cheating on me. That added to my emotional turmoil. I cried constantly and even began to cut myself. I loved him so much.


After we broke up, he trail ed me for months, apologising for his behaviour, until I took him back. Soon, rumours began to circulate that we were a 'freaky' couple.

I confronted him about it many times until he finally confessed that he was a freak.

The day after we spoke, he took me to 'wonderland'. His tongue was nimble and he was skilled in his art.

He eventually converted me. I became his personal freak. We performed oral sex on each other on a regular basis. I loved him and he loved me, but he was addicted to sex, and my mother was very strict.

I couldn't please him often so he started cheating again. I took revenge and cheated on him too.

One day I cursed him. He beat me, so I left him for good.

No one understood why we broke up. They saw us as a power couple.

I lost feelings for males. I hated them all. I became pregnant by my abusive ex and had an abortion. I could not afford to carry the pregnancy nor did I want my ex-boyfriend in my life anymore.

I soon started to date older men but refused to sleep with any of them. I took their money and promised them pleasure. I used their money to buy biscuits and sweets to sell at school in order to have lunch money.

One day when I went to meet one of my sugar daddies for money, he violently raped me. I could hardly walk. He told me I deserved what I got because I 'pilled' him too much. I felt dirty and used.

After the rape incident, I began to engage in casual sex. It seemed to ease my emotional pain. I had sex with schoolboys, men of all ages and sizes, even men who were married. I also engaged in sex with girls, big women and even threesomes. I charged for these services, though I would not deem myself to be a prostitute. That was how I survived and went to school.


My mother heard rumours about my lifestyle beat me, peppered my vagina and took my cellphone away.

The emotional abuse continued. I didn't go to school for a month. She locked me in the house and left me to care for her two-month-old baby, while my other brother went to school.

I masturbated every chance I got. I felt like a sex addict. The neighbours threatened to call the police on my mother, so she sent me back to school.

I spoke to my guidance counsellor about my situation, and started to receive lunch from the Programme of Advancement Through Health and Education programme.

I stopped my wild lifestyle and was able to attain eight CSEC subjects. I have recently started dating a sixth former at another high school. We talk everyday about everything. He treats me like his queen. He even wants me to meet his parents. We have never had sex, but he knows I am not a virgin. Do you think I should tell him about my wild past?


Dear N.C.,

You should not tell a man, in any detail, about your past. Though a man may try to assure you that he will never repeat what you told him, you can never be sure he will keep his word. You need to be congratulated because, though you have suffered greatly, you were able to do well in school. You are a wonderful girl in your own right.

You have excelled despite not having proper parental guidance. I suggest you consider giving your life over to the Lord. Read your Bible, pray and go to church.

I would be glad to refer you to a therapist because I do believe that every woman who was raped needs therapy. I have your information and will be in touch with you. You have my prayers.


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