My boyfriend left me after migrating


March 24, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old lady who is currently employed and is going to start my teaching degree in September of this year. I met a guy on Facebook in October of 2014. He is 19 years old as well. At that time, he was unemployed because his folk were filing for him to join them abroad. A little after that, it so happened that I had to start living on my own because of the relocation of the persons with whom I used to live. His filing came through and he left the country in February of the other year.

When he was here we lived happily. We went out almost every weekend, at my expense. We chatted on the phone every tick of the clock, even though I was at work. Anyway, after he left we continued the constant communication via text messages. After a while, we started to communicate like once per day or none at all. He only called me about four times since he left. He started working and he didn't tell me. He also changed his number and didn't give it to me until almost a week after.

Pastor, I started to feel pushed away so I stopped texting him. Sometimes when I'm at work, tears just start running from my eyes. I stopped eating until one day I fainted on the bus on my way to work. My supervisor took me home and I started to cry. I cried for the entire week. I just felt so hurt. At one point, I thought that I was going to get a heart attack. I end up ignoring everybody. I didn't want to go to work; neither did I want to go to school. I was doing my diploma in accounting at that time, and I ended up failing one of my exams miserably, which resulted in more depression. As time went by, I started to accept what had happened. He started texting me and telling me that he loves me and he is working on building a foundation for us. He also told me that he cannot do long-distance relationship but yet, he still loves me. I do really love him, but I don't want to waste my time. I remember when he was in Jamaica, I used to take him out and buy him gifts. This guy has never bought me a sweet. He has never given me money or anything.

One day I went to the mall, where I met a soldier guy. We exchanged numbers and we started talking every day. I have never dated a soldier because of the (whore) stigma that is placed on them. He is 27 years old and he has a son and he's single. I really like him so far, but I cannot kiss him because his mouth smells. The first time I tried, I almost threw up. I don't want to be in a relationship with him because he has a son, his mouth smells and I still have hope in my relationship with the guy overseas. Pastor, I am confused. I don't know if the guy overseas is wasting my time and I don't want to waste the soldier's time.


Dear Confused

The young man with whom you thought you had a good relationship dissed you. He is short on manners. Without a doubt, you loved and cared for him. He gave you the impression that all was well between the both of you when he left. And it was because of the strong love that you had for him why you freely spend your money to go on dates with him. Nothing is wrong if a girl spends her money to take her boyfriend out if he is not working. However, it appears that this guy has used you.

An intelligent man would have save a little money he got from here and there, so to speak, and buy his girlfriend gifts occasionally. This man gave you nothing. You should have smelled the rat and dropped him before he dropped you. Don't try to get back with him. Don't waste your time with this solider man. You know your heart is not in the relationship. He is not your type of man. He is not going to be offended if you drop him now before the relationship develops further. You can purchase goodbye gifts for him. Please include body lotion, shampoo, toothbrush and mouthwash.


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