Caught my wife in bed with a younger man


March 29, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 53 years old and I have been reading your column for a long time. You are fair and balanced. I am living with a woman, but we are not yet married. I was married, but I caught my wife in bed with another man. She could not lie. Although I did not see the two of them having sex, the both of them were in the nude. The man attempted to get up, but I was standing at the door, so I told him to relax. I had heard that whenever I was at work a man was visiting my home. I do security work, but that night I went home early because I was not feeling well. I did not expect to see my wife in bed with this man.

After talking to both of them, I allowed the man to leave and I went to see our daughter and told her that I caught her mother and another man in our bed. Our daughter came up to the house and asked her mother if that was true, and all my wife was saying was why did I have to go and call our daughter. We could have talked things over. My daughter asked me what I was going to do. I told her that she should not leave her mother at the house. I left and went to stay at a friend's house and told my wife that I didn't want to see her when I got back.

You might not believe, Pastor, but the guy who was in bed with her is a young man I used to help with lunch money to go to school. Many times I ask myself if I can forgive my wife, but I can't find it in me to forgive her. I told her that she could come back and stay in the house, but I don't want to eat anything from her. It has been two years now and I have not touched her. I see her going to the bathroom and coming out naked and I don't even look at her. She said that she and the man did not have sex. I asked her why both of them were naked. She said that they were going to do it, but they didn't. I don't know whether I can believe her because it was not the first time the guy was coming there.

I have a girlfriend. She has invited me to her house, but I would not take the risk. I can't trust any woman again. I might go there and another man find me there. I don't know when I will trust women again.


Dear T.G.,

I think that what you are trying to say is that the man who was in your house and was naked with your wife was a much younger man than your wife and yourself. If you used to give him lunch money, he is probably much younger than you. I would think that your wife had lost her senses. Why should a married woman take such a risk? Young men, of course, do crazy things. I am sure that as he looks back on the episode, he will count his lucky stars that he did not lose his life.

You did the correct thing by calling your daughter that very night and relating to her what took place. Her mother would have been embarrassed, but you did not cause that embarrassment on her; she caused it on herself. And if you did not call your daughter and allowed time to pass, she might have accused you of lying on her.

Where do you go from here? That is the big question now. Your wife, I am sure, wants you back in her life. You do not trust her anymore. She said that she did not have sex with the guy. Probably what she is that trying to say is that she did not have sex with the guy that night because you showed up. However, to be in bed in the nude with a man who was also in the nude is proof that she is guilty of infidelity.

You did not say that you intend to divorce this woman, but I think that is what you are contemplating. Talk to a lawyer. You have a girlfriend in your life. Don't judge her by the standard of your wife. I hope that if your wife and you get a divorce, you would divide your assets fairly so that she can get what is rightfully hers.


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