I want her but not her three kids


March 31, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I have a girlfriend. She has three children, but none for me. She is a good friend of one of my brothers. He introduced her to me and told me that she is a nice girl, but the father of her children did something terribly wrong and is in prison. He encouraged me to give her help, so I said alright to him, but I did not like a woman who has so many children. One is good enough, but I could not manage three.

My brother encouraged me to become this woman's man. I would say my brother set me up because I went to visit his wife and himself and when I went, the woman was there. When it came time to go to bed, my brother pointed out that she and I could stay in the guest room. She was happy about that, but I was not because I did not know her enough. I said my prayers when it was time for me to sleep and she was lying down on the bed. I said good night and turned my back to her. She asked if I was alright and I said yes. She wanted to know why I turned my back to her and I told her it was because I wanted to sleep. She tried to turn me over, but I refused, but she would not stop. She was able to hold my penis and massage it. I could not resist, so I turned to her and she went down on me. I felt as if this woman was going to eat my penis off. I lost control and discharged in her mouth. Would you believe that she did not get up and go to the bathroom - she swallowed it! She was not satisfied. She took off my clothes and hers and asked me to go down on her. I said no, but I did it anyway. It was the first time that I was doing that to a woman, but she liked it.

The following morning, my brother asked me if I slept well. I told him no. He called me a liar because she told my brother everything that transpired between us and that she liked it. I was supposed to spend just a day and night with my brother, but I could not leave. From that night on, she and I became a couple. I don't know what to do because her children are still my problem. This woman is three years older than I. She says that she does not love the children's father anymore. She is working, but I help her with her bills. I have never had sex with any woman that I did not know well. This woman would have made love to me all night if I wanted that. Pastor, give me your advice.


Dear R.N.,

Some people would say that your brother should be congratulated for looking out for you. He knew that you did not have a woman, and in his opinion, you needed one. He encouraged you to come and stay at his house and he also invited the young lady. What happened between the woman and yourself was entirely your responsibility. You could have left when you found out that the young lady was there. You could have slept on the couch when you heard about the sleeping arrangements. Yet you chose to stay. I repeat, you did not have to agree to the sleeping arrangements, and you did not have to respond to her advances.

Turning your back to her was just a sham and you know that very well. When a man is in bed with a woman and she turns her back to him, that doesn't mean much to him. He will get her to turn over if he wanted to. He has hands, they could reach her breasts. Which woman is not turned on by the touching of her breasts? So, when you say that the woman worked on your back and got you a little in the mood and then she touched your penis, it was all over. You liked what she was doing, that is why you allowed her to have oral sex with you and you reciprocated. So, I want to say that it is time for you to stop blaming your brother. As I see it, this woman did not force you to have sex with her. If your penis ended up in her mouth, it means that you liked what she was doing. And, indeed, if you went down on her, you were well into the act. You liked what was happening to you so much so that you stayed longer than you had planned.

As I see it, you now have an instant family - three children, one woman and yourself. Not bad for a 25-year-old man. You have already started to assist her with her bills. Tell your brother that now that he has encouraged you to be with this mature woman, you will call upon him sometimes for a little help.

Now, having said the above, what I do need to ask is do you love this woman? If you love her, don't try to run away. You have got baptised in a real world. You got the real stuff in one night and you have her children on your hands, even if both of you don't have any together. You cannot say that you don't have a family. If you expected me to tell you to leave this woman, you are wrong. Both of you used each other that night. You were trapped and you willingly fell into it. This relationship might turn out to be a very good one. Bye, my friend. Bye, bye.


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