I'm in love with a married man!


April 02, 2016

Dear Pastor

Greetings in the name of Jesus. I am an avid reader of your column but this is my first time writing to you. I've seen where you have given sound advice to many and I believe you will be able to help me. I have been struggling in silence with this issue for years. I tried to do it on my own but it is now getting the better of me.

Thirteen years ago, I met this man and we fell deeply in love. There is so much to say but time and paper won't permit me. He is such a wonderful person and we had a great relationship until I found out he was married. He explained certain situation to me, and because I love him so much I tried to work with it; however, it was not easy. One of the main reasons is that I was brought up on the Christian principle that divorce and remarriage are sins. So I kept struggling with the situation to the point where we keep breaking up, then going back together. We also have a child together. We had some really great moments and some really dark ones too.

I am now at the point in my life where I'm totally depressed and confused. In 2011, we broke up for approximately eight months. I really thought that was the end. During the fifth month I met this guy and we started a relationship. Somehow my child's father and I got back together and it has been real ups and downs from that time until now.

I keep going back and forth with the two persons. Frankly, I really love my child's father and I know he loves me unconditionally. The only issue, as I said before, is that he is married; however, not living with his wife. The other guy, on the other hand, is not married but I don't love him that much and I don't believe he loves me either. He just uses me for convenience.

My child's father and I are not on talking terms now and it is driving me crazy. I know he is depressed too. I have seen where you have helped a lot of persons by giving them sound advice. I am seeking the same for both of us. I don't know if he will be interested but I'm asking you if you could please schedule an appointment or recommend someone for us both because there is so much to deal with, to either help us get out of or correct the situation. I look forward to your response as soon as possible. Keep up the good work.

Depressed and confused

Dear Depressed and Confused

Some people say true love never dies. Others say it is hard to die. And yet, we know as a fact that when loves dies it turns to hate. I believe that you genuinely love your child's father. You meant well. You say that he loves you unconditionally but I am here to tell you that that is not true at all. If he had loved, you unconditionally, as you say, he would not have lied to you about his marital status. He fooled you. Girl, he tricked you. Girl, he pulled a fast one on you. He got you to the place where you could not resist him. And you know that what he did to you is wrong. And that is why whenever the both of you are not on speaking terms, so to speak, you feel so miserable.

You are now faced with a dilemma. You have been going with another guy. You believe that he is using you for convenience. You might be correct. But may I ask, isn't your child's father doing the same? He is still married. He wants you back. He wants back what he used to get. And you love him more than the other guy so you are always going to be used.

I believe that you are a good woman but you are in a trap and you don't know how to get out. You don't know what to do. I will be willing to meet with the married man and you. Call my office and make an appointment to see me. My numbers are 929-1667 or 929-1668.


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