My wife knows I have another woman


April 07, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I find it interesting. I am a 35-year-old man and I have two women in my life - one is my wife and the other a sweetheart.

My sweetheart treats me better than my wife. I take care of both of these women. I am making enough money to do so. I have one adopted daughter.

I have been having sex from I was 15 years old. The only time I use a condom is when I go to women I don't know very well or when I suspect that they have other men. I don't know why I have not been successful in having children.

I got married to my wife seven years ago, but before that we were going together for three years. I have never used a condom with her. Five years ago, I went to my sister's wedding and fell in love with the maid of honour, and that was it until now. The very first date we had after the wedding, we had sex, and she has never let me go. My sister told me that the young lady did not have a man but she will break up my marriage if I don't stop playing with her. This girl does not go to clubs or places like that. She knows that I am married, but she wants to see me very often. When I leave work, I go to her house before I go home. I used to reason with her and tell her that she should find a man of her own, but she is not interested in doing so.

She has good qualities. I introduced her to one of my friends who lived in England. I told her she could go out with him. They went out and when she got home, she called me and said that she does not like him and the only way she would go with another man is when I am dead. I don't know what to do. My wife knows that I am seeing this girl. She takes it as a joke. I don't know if you have dealt with any situation like this. I am not leaving my wife and I cannot leave this girl, so I am hoping to hear from you.


Dear M.O.,

You are very fortunate to have a wife who would not make any fuss with you for having a sweetheart. Perhaps she has taken that attitude because you take care of her well and she knows that you are unable to impregnate women. So, she is not scared of you having a child with this woman. Perhaps if you were able to impregnate this other woman, your wife would be concerned because you would be taking out more money out of the matrimonial home to support another home.

Some men would say that you do not have a problem, and they would love to have a wife who knows that they have other women but doesn't fuss about it. I am trying to figure out why you have written to me because your sweetheart is not prepared to leave you and you are not prepared to leave her, and your wife does not care one way or the other. What a life!

I would like to suggest, however, that you look at life seriously because, right now, you are joking around. Don't you think it is time for you to reason with your sweetheart and show her that if anything should happen to you she will end up with nothing? Unless you have enough assets and leave something for her in your will, or unless you are financially able to give her enough money to help herself when she gets much older.

Right now, apart from having sex with her, what can you do for her? Is she paying rent? Are you paying the rent for her? Are you in a position to help her purchase a home? There are some women who are with men and the relationship has its benefits - each person is allowed to do what they want to do, but they share facilities. The relationship you have with this woman is not so, you have your wife. So, am I to understand that you are so hot and good in bed that sex is all this woman wants from you? You tried to shake her off by introducing her to your friend, but that did not work. So I am prompted to ask this question - what is this? What have you done to this girl?

Whatever might be going on between the both of you, bear in mind that this girl is going to make you poorer and the money that you are spending on her could be saved for your pension. I think you should put more effort in trying to shake this woman off you and save the little strength that you have for your wife.


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