Is my boyfriend being honest?


April 09, 2016

Dear Pastor

I am 18 and having a problem. I do not know who to talk to, that is why I am writing to you. My mother left me with my grandmother at age eight. My grandmother loves me very much and I love her. My mother got pregnant with me when she was 18.

My grandmother told me she had warned her about the men in the area but she didn't listen.

When she got pregnant she didn't know which one of the men was the father. However, people said that I resemble a certain man in the district. My grandmother was glad to see my mother go away. I talk to her every week but she has never been back. She has two other children and is living with their father. She says she will be marrying him soon.


Pastor, I have a boyfriend. He asked me for sex but I told him I don't want to be like my mother and get pregnant.

He promised he wouldn't get me pregnant, but I am afraid.

My grandmother is a higgler. Sometimes she comes in late so if I wanted to have sex I could.

My grandmother told me that if I become pregnant I am on my own because she is too old now to fight with another child.

My boyfriend is not from the district. But he works in my area.

Everything I know about sex he taught me because he is my first boyfriend but we have never had sex.

Whenever he is coming to see me he tells me I should not wear underwear. He fondles me and he has done oral sex with me. He told me whenever I am ready for penetration he would do so, but he does not want to hurt me.

A man who knows him told me he is living with a woman. I asked him and he denied it. I love him so much, I don't want to lose him.

I can't talk to anybody about this problem. It has been bothering me sice I found out he is living with his girlfriend.

Do you believe I should tell him not to come back? He gives me money every other week when he gets his paid. It helps me out a lot.


Dear W.L.

You do not know your biological father, but I hope you will be able to find out. Perhaps your mother would feel comfortable in discussing that matter with you or the gentlemen would come forward and claim you as his daughter. A DNA test could be done to ascertain the truth.

You have an intelligent grandmother, so perhaps you could mention it to her and see how she would react.

She may say you should leave it alone or when your mother is visiting everyone can talk about it and decide what to do.

Your grandmother has warned you not to engage in sex and become pregnant. It is a warning your mother did not heed. If she had listened to her caution and not engaged in unprotected sex with a number of men and become pregnant, she would have been able to say who had got her pregnant. You need to be commended for having one boyfriend. However, where you are going wrong is you are secretively meeting with him and your grandmother does not know him.


You should introduce him to your grandmother. If he means you well, he should not be afraid to get to know her.

Your grandmother should be in a position to question this man. She is a woman of experience and knows how devious some men can be. You have heard that this man is living with a woman. You have a right, therefore, to be concerned. He said it is not true. The person who told you could be lying but it could also be the truth.

Do you know this man's address? When I say his address, I am talking about the name and number of the street he lives. Do you know with whom he lives? Does he live alone and takes care of himself? Do you know any family member or his siblings? Do you have cell numbers for them? It is not good enough for him to tell you he has brothers and sisters. You need to know who they are. You need to check them out for yourself.

This man is not pushing you to have sex with him. He knows you are naOve and has been able to get you to be intimate with him.

You have allowed him to go too far, much too far. It is only a matter of time before intercourse happens.

You did not give his age. Do not allow him to see you at your house unless your grandmother is there. I know you want the money he gives you, but I am afraid this relationship is not on a solid foundation.

If you cannot find out more about this man and he refuses to meet your grandmother, and if he is, indeed, living with a woman you should end the relationship with him forthwith.


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