I don't care what my husband does


April 11, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your team. This is my first time writing to you. My husband and I have been together for almost five years, but married for the past two months. I am seeking your advice. The first year of our relationship was ok, but in the second year, a few things happened. One night, when we were at my parents' house in my room on my bed, he got a call. By the way he was talking, I could tell it was a woman, so I got up, took the phone and ended the call. She then sent a text and from the tone of the ordeal, it sounded like they were having a relationship.


I felt disrespected and to make it worse, he was acting as if he did nothing until I told him the relationship was over. He then accepted what he had done and we moved on.

About six months after, I was using his phone and found nude pictures he was exchanging with someone. We had an argument and I packed my things and left his house. At the time we were engaged, so I called it off and told him he wasn't ready for marriage. A month before we got married, I was using his phone again and a message came in asking if he had reached home and saying she missed him. I got so frustrated and smashed the phone and pulled a knife and stabbed him. I was frustrated based on the fact that I love him and he kept lying to me and wasting my time. I am a faithful woman to him.

We went to a family counsellor and he proposed to me again and eventually we got married. I love him, but sometimes I think I am lying to myself. He treats me well and talks about me a lot to his friends and I have the privilege to do as I please when it comes to money and myself in general. But nowadays, nothing he does bothers me like it used to. Sometimes when he is talking on the phone, I can tell it's a woman, but I just don't care. If he stays out late, it is the same thing. I don't even ask him questions. I cook, clean, wash and take care of the house and do a little farming for myself because I love to plant and I love animals.

I just don't care what my husband does as long as I am not hurt. I have never cheated on him nor have I looked at another man. We are both 24 and this is not the whole story. He has done more, but could you please give us your advice on the situation. Thank you.


Dear J.T.,

By now, you should become aware that this man and you were not ready to get married. I am not questioning that both of you had a sexual relationship. You might want to call that love, but that is very debatable. When both of you started to go with each other, so to speak, you were very young. You never cheated on him, but, in his mind, you were not enough for him. He had to have other girls and he didn't care one way or the other. They sent him nude pictures and he evidently sent them nude pictures too. Whatever he told them about you didn't prevent them from loving him or ending the relationships with him.

You have not given him up because you are married to him. You say that you don't care what he does, but you are not speaking the truth. How could a 24-year-old married woman not care what her husband does? If you don't care what he does, it means that you are in the marriage for what you can get, and that most likely is his money. That would be sad indeed.


Although this man and you have gone for counselling, he has not stopped his wild life. I am not going to tell you to leave him, but I would caution you that whenever you are having sex with him, make sure it's not unprotected sex. Nevertheless, your life is still in danger because if you were planning to become pregnant, he could not use the condom. And if he picks up a sexually transmitted disease, he can pass it on to you.

I regret to say that right now the relationship with your husband looks like a big joke. If both of you have a future together, both of you would have to seriously go to see a therapist and try your very best to respect each other. Your husband, at the moment, has no respect for you and you have lost respect for him.

I suppose what he does doesn't bother you anymore because you feel that you may have to use the knife on him again. I beg you, don't get yourself into trouble.


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