I had an affair with my husband's friend


April 12, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I started writing to you two weeks ago but did not have the courage to finish. I am married but my husband and I are not getting along. We are not sleeping together anymore. I had an affair with his friend, who told another friend about it. It reached my husband's ear and I had to deny everything.

Even the way the man 'put' me, he went and talked about it. I have a birth mark at a certain place on my body. He mentioned it to his friend and that caused my husband to believe I had sex with him. How can this man know about my birthmark, my husband asked? He complained to a counsellor, called me in and asked if I had an affair. I told him no. He asked me about the birthmark and I told him I don't know how the man knew that, maybe it was my husband who had said something about it to one of his friends.

The counsellor met with both of us and told my husband he didn't have a case because he did not catch me having sex with his friend so his case was weak.

When we left the counsellor's office, my husband cursed and told me that regardless what the counsellor said, he believed I had an affair.

I will feel better if my husband goes out and have an affair because he would stop harassing me.

You may wonder why I had an affair. My husband was away for three months on a course and I was lonely. My sister stayed with me but was not always there. There were days when I felt that I needed male company so I called this man. He came over and one thing led to another. It was the first time I was cheating on my husband but it happened three times after that. He did what my husband had never done and I liked it. Even now I think of this man. It is a love and hate type of feeling. I did not know he would have told others about what happened between us.

My husband said that I should leave but I am not going anywhere because I have much money in this house.


Dear F.R.,

Your husband is not prepared to forgive you. This marriage is likely to end in divorce. You should agree to, at least, separate temporarily and see whether time can heal the anger for each other and the disappointment you feel.

During the separation, both of you should go for counselling. If you cannot resolve your problems with the help of a family counsellor, you may go your separate ways. You may buy out each other and start life all over again.

Please remember that wisdom dictates you should not trust anyone to keep your secret if you have had an affair.

You have not expressed remorse for what you have done. The reason you have given for having the affair exposed you to as a very loose woman but I am not here to condemn you. I wish you well.


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