Tired of begging my man for sex!


April 12, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 22. I have a nine-month-old-child. My boyfriend is 25. He has his own place. He built his house on a piece of land given to him by his father, a two bedroom house.

When I got pregnant my mother told me I am a big woman, I must get my man to find a place put me.

I told her he didn't have to find a place because he has a place. She came after me and told me I was rude to talk to her in that way, so I should pack my things and leave.

I was four months' pregnant at the time. I called my boyfriend and told him what happened. He told me I should pack and he would come for me.

When he came my father arrived from work at the same time and my mother told him a bunch of lies.

My father told me that he did not want me to go and live with a man but if that was my wish he won't try to stop me. I started to cry and my boyfriend told my father he would take good care of me. My father did not say anything so I left with my boyfriend.

Sometimes when I am not expecting my father he shows up and he brings produce from his farm. He loves his granddaughter.

I am having a problem, though, with my boyfriend. He is not treating me as well as before. Before I got pregnant he couldn't keep his hands off me. Now I have to beg him to have sex with me. He is always saying he is tired.

I asked him if he has another girlfriend and he said no. He told me if I want it from him sometimes I can steal it.

I am worried because I don't want any girl to get my boyfriend. He comes home early but I am tired of begging him for sex. Please give me your advice.


Dear G.K.,

First of all, let me commend your father for using common sense. He felt disappointed in you when you became pregnant but, unlike your mother, he was not willing to ask you to leave his house.

Your mother had already decided that she didn't want you, her pregnant daughter, in the house. Therefore, she told you to pack and leave.

When you told your mother your boyfriend has a house, I am sure you did not say it in a humble and polite manner. Perhaps the way you responded was not respectful, so that got her angry and she told you to move on.

Your father's attitude was so different. He did not want you to go and live in concubinage but he allowed you to make your decision. Your father demonstrated genuine love for you and that is why he brings you produce from his garden. He wants to make sure that you are not suffering.

I repeat, he is a good father. I am sure the day will come when your mother's attitude will change. I hope you remain respectful to her at all times.

Concerning the problem with your boyfriend and sex, you remember the days when he could not keep his hands off you. He was all over you. He had great passion for you.

Well, I am here to tell you that's how it goes. It was young love at that time but you do not look as hot as before. Perhaps you have put on some weight. Your stomach is not as flat. You are not as sexy as you used to be, so he is not as turned on, so to speak. He has gotten so accustomed to you that he has now taken you for granted.

It is not that he doesn't love you anymore. It is just that he doesn't want sex as often as you do. You should not begin to wonder whether he has another woman. He probably doesn't but feels the weight of carrying the house.

You are not working and he has to work and support you and his child, so sometimes he might be a little exhausted.

I don't mean to imply you are idling, no, not at all. You have to take care of your baby but he goes to work while you have time to take care of the baby and rest.

So don't question him, all the time, as to whether another woman is taking up his time etc. Work with him.

What you should also do is to let this man know from now that you would like to go back to school because you need a career.

Tell him iot is time to get married. Feel him out with this marriage matter but don't push it. I wish you well. Be a good mother and a good mate. Work with your man.


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