My man moved out after an argument


April 13, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and listener of your talk show. I am a big fan of yours and have always wanted to know you.

I am 35. I was married but my husband was very abusive so we got divorced. I am better off today. I have a good job with a wonderful company. My boss looks out for all of us who work under him.

I met a man a year ago. We have been living together since last November. He is 60. He is a good guy.

He never wastes his money. When I met him he was not working, but he was still able to pay his bills and assist me with mine too. He is not yet a pensioner, but he lives off his investments.

Pastor, I take good care of him. A friend of his got him a job. They were drinking buddies, but he stopped drinking. Now he spends lots of time playing dominoes with his friends.

One Saturday night he wanted us to have sex. He was very aggressive. I asked him what he took. He said, "nothing". I told him to remember his age.

He likes to go to church. One Sunday morning I woke him up and asked him what about church, he said he was tired. I said, "Alright then, sleep". The Sunday evening we had more sex. I had to go to work the Monday morning, at seven o'clock. He should get to work for nine. I woke him up. He said he was alright, he would get ready, I should go.

At about nine I called him. He was still in bed. I asked him why he was not at work. He said he fell asleep after I had left. He rushed to work, but when he got there they fired him.

When I got home he told me he got fired because he was late and didn't have a good explanation.

The man blamed me for getting him drunk after having sex. We had an argument over that. Afterwards, he packed his things and left.

I thought he would come back, but it has been nearly two months now. He has not come back. He told me he is not ready.

I had told him some harsh words before he left and that hurt him. I told him it was my fault that he could stand up so strong because I gave him too much nourishing food.

Pastor, should a man leave his woman because she told him the truth?


Dear I.R.,

I am going to tell you the absolute truth. I am sure you did not mean to hurt your man, but you went too far. You belittled him when you told him he was useless before you started feeding him, and, had it not been for you, he would not have been able to do anything sexually.

That would hurt a grown man. You should remember he is not a little boy. He is a grown man.

Having said that, much of what you said could be true. Perhaps he wasn't taking care of himself. Perhaps he was not eating right and exercising, etc, but you have changed all that.

Nevertheless, you have to learn to 'kibba' your mouth. Sometimes it is not what you say that hurts a man, but it is the way you say it. You can't style him in a most derogatory manner and expect him to accept that sort of behaviour. This man walked away and by doing so, he was telling you he does not have to put up with your nonsense. I am sure you did not mean to hurt him.

You said this man was aggressive in having sex with you over the weekend and you responded. He loved it, but it knocked him out. Perhaps during the act you forgot this man was not in your age group. On the other hand, he should have that he could not have behaved as a young horse racing to the finish line with a young jockey.

You have not played your card well. You should have worked with this man so he would come to the place where he would say to you, "Let us get married".

I can see, however, that you love him. Don't give up the relationship. If he does not come to see you, go see him and humble yourself. When you are going to see him, don't take anything you have cooked. Buy him something from the supermarket such as nutritious beverages sealed from the factory.

Be smart. You have found a good man. You have made a mistake. He is a little thin-skinned, but work with him. You don't want to lose him.


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