My boyfriend is too controlling


April 14, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian woman and a part-time student at a university. I was trying my best to pay my fees on my own, but it was not working out. I borrowed $150,000 from a cousin and he asked me back for it.

I got involved with a man and he gave me the money, but now he wants to control every move I make. I love him, but he treats me as if I am a child and he wants to take away my independence from me. He is a

lovely guy. We have sex, but he does not pressure me for sex. My parents are poor and they cannot help me financially. I have never cheated on my boyfriend. Sometimes he comes to the apartment and cooks for me so that when I come home I don't have to cook. I love him so much, but I need a little space sometimes. I am not accustomed to a man telling me what to do or what not to do. He is not mean. I have a credit card, and sometimes when the bill comes he does not ask me if I have the money to pay it. He pays them.

My sister who is younger than I am tells me that I am lucky to have such a man. She said if we were not sisters she would have taken him over. What can I tell this man that would make him trust me more?


Dear T.O.,

I want to tell you that you are such a fortunate young woman. What are you complaining about? This man hasn't done you any wrong. Both of you are having an intimate relationship, and he has the right, in my opinion, to know where you are. You are going to school and you are working so he knows you are under pressure. To enquire about your whereabouts is reasonable. If both of you were just social friends he would be overstepping his bounds to be asking you certain questions, but you are intimate friends and you are spending his money freely.

He didn't hold back on you when you needed the money to pay your loan, and sometimes he even cooks for you and he pays other bills. What a good man you have! Did you hear what your sister told you? She said if both of you were not sisters she would have taken him. Girl, why can't you get smart? You don't have a thing to worry about. If you love this man, be true and loyal to him. What you don't like, talk to him about it. If you know you are not doing anything wrong, don't be afraid to say where you are going, etc.


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