Planning to move out and leave my babymother, kids


April 16, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and the father of two children. I am living with their mother, but I am planning to leave her.

The only reason why I haven't left as yet is because the last child is just seven months old and their mother has not yet gone back to work.

She has extended time at home because she is working with her father. I get along well with the family.

The first child was planned, but the second was a mistake. Both of us agreed that we did not want any more children because we saw the relationship deteriorating.

My girlfriend is on the loud side of life. Because her parents have money, she wants to talk to me as she sees it fit. I refuse to stand for that.

It is my fault for getting her pregnant again. She cannot take the pill so every time we have sex I have to use the condom. I took a chance and didn't use it and she got pregnant.

When she missed her period she said she was glad because having two children could cause me to change my mind and not leave her. However, my mind is made up.

I have another girlfriend who is three years older than I am. My children's mother found out about her recently and has been harassing her. I am very upset. She told her parents I have a woman. What she has not told them is that she does not keep the house tidy. Many times when I come home, I have to go to the kitchen and prepare something for myself. She is at home all day.

My other girlfriend calls and asks if I had lunch and if I want to stop by and eat before I go home. She has one son. He is four years old. I like the little boy. My children's mother is cursing and telling me I am a fool because I am going to support another man's child and leave my own.

The house that we are living in belongs to her father. We do not pay much per month as rent, but I am planning to pay down on a piece of land soon. Do you think I can get my two children when I leave this woman?


Dear C.W.,

It is a pity you and this woman cannot get along. The children should have helped to bring both of you even closer.

I have said on numerous occasions that having a child, or children, does not necessarily mean a couple will stay together. Some women allow themselves to get pregnant by men, hoping they will stay with them, but it does not always work that way.

You and this woman were not getting along, yet you carelessly impregnated her again. Now you are planning to walk away from the relationship. I am not saying you are to stay, regardless of the conduct of this woman, but it would have been good if you were able to forgive each other and stick it out, in good times and bad, so that the children can grow up in a stable environment, seeing mommy and daddy together all the time.

You have complicated things by getting sexually involved with another woman. Your children's mother has further aggravated you by cursing the woman.

I can see that your children's mother is not much of a housekeeper. If she is home all day, the house should be kept clean. She has no excuse for keeping a dirty house and needs to understand that she should cook. She might not want to do it every day, but a wise woman would cook enough to last another day.

If, indeed, both of you end the relationship, make sure you do not ignore the children. Don't try to fight for custody. You will be wasting your time and money. The magistrate will be fair to you and give you visitation rights.

Your new lover has a child. Nothing would be wrong if you help to support that child, but please do not neglect your biological children.


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