Not too comfortable with interracial marriage

by

April 20, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 40s. I am having a problem. I read your column and when I am not working at nights I listen to you on the radio.

I used to be married but now I am divorced. I have been married twice.

My husband did not like my son, who is 18 years old. He thought my son and I were too close. He never said we were having sex but he might as well have said it because a few times my husband came home and saw my son on my bed and wanted to know why he was lying down on the bed.

Pastor, that is nothing because my son would come into the room to talk to me and lie down and fall asleep. If my husband is not there, I allow him to sleep. He is my son.

The matter came to a head when he told my son that he should stay in his room and not come back into our room.

My son told him not to talk to him like that because that is the way we live. My husband said he should not stay in the house. I reminded him that I was the one in charge of the house, so if anybody has to go, he should go.

He packed his clothes and said he was leaving. I asked him where he was going. He did not answer. After a year, I decided to divorce him.

There is another man in my life now but I don't know what to do. This man is white and 10 years older than I am. He is so romantic. He cares about my son and has offered to help him pay his fees at college.

I had never seen myself loving and having sex with a white man. He, too, has a failed marriage. You will never know what this man has because he does not talk much. He bought me a car for my birthday. I was surprised.

Pastor, do you believe in interracial marriage? I love him but I am not over the moon with him. He has not yet introduced me to his children. He has three. Please help me to make a decision.

R.K.

Dear R.K.,

I am sorry to hear you have had two failed marriages. You didn't say what caused your first marriage to end in divorce. However, what you have said about your second husband shows he was not a very intelligent man and he should have known that your son would have stood up to him.

Your husband was very out of order. He did not use common sense. I don't think I need to say more about him because the marriage is already dead.

Concerning your new man, I am wondering what you believe I should say to you. You have been going together and I am sure you have told him that you love him and he has said that he loves you.

I am sure you have also discussed the matter with your son. If you didn't love this man, you would not encouraged him to come around and would not have gone out with him. He is old enough to sense whether you are interested in him.

You want to know how I feel about interracial marriages. Frankly, it is not my business.

Sometimes there are social problems that one should contemplate but the world has changed. Some people don't like whites and blacks to come together in holy matrimony but love is what is important. If you love each other and you absolutely sure about that, then go for it.

Pastor

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