I'm having second thoughts about my wedding!


April 21, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I know that you do not like to answer questions yes or no, but I would like a yes or no answer from you. I am a regular reader of your column. I am confused right now because I am engaged and my fiancEe has started to buy up items for the wedding. We have set a date, but she is doing things that have caused me to change my mind. I told her I don't like some of her friends, but she still goes out with them. She doesn't like me to talk to my old girlfriends, so I stopped talking to them, and when they text me, I don't respond. My girlfriend is smart and pretty.

She wants a big wedding, but I am not interested in a big wedding. She has her degree from the University of the West Indies. I have never gone to university. Sometimes I have to force her to go to church. She thinks she knows more than the pastor. My mother said I should postpone the marriage until she learns to listen and begins to obey me. When I told her that she has to obey me, she said those days are done. Doesn't the Bible say that a wife should obey her husband? Where is that found in the Bible, pastor? I would like to show her.


Dear K.N.,

Your fiancEe is a modern-day girl, and regrettably, she does not see you as on par with her. She has been to university and you have not. That is part of the reason she is telling you that she will not follow the biblical instruction that a woman should obey her husband. However, to me, the reasons you have given why you are reluctant in marrying her on the date planned are weak.

What you should do is for both of you to make an appointment to go to see the pastor of your church for premarital counselling. I know you are concerned because she is behaving as if she knows more than the pastor. Nevertheless, you need to talk to the minister. if your fiancEe refuses to go to see him or continues to give the impression that she does not care how you feel or what the minister says, it would be time for you to tell her bye bye. You should not quit the relationship until you have made every effort to try to save it.

You want to know where in the Bible you would find the biblical exhortation concerning wife and husband. It is in First Peter three, verses one to seven (1 Peter 3:1-7).

"Wives, respect and obey your husbands in the same way. Then the husbands who do not obey the word of God will want to know God. They will want to know God because their wives live good lives, even though they say nothing about God.

"They will see that you live holy lives and respect your husbands.

"You should not be fine on the outside only. Some women make their hair nice. They wear gold things. They have fine clothes.

"But you must be fine in your heart. Have a heart that is gentle and quiet. That will not wear out. And God thinks it is worth very much.

"There were holy women long ago who trusted in God. They made themselves nice in this way. They obeyed their husbands.

"Sarah obeyed Abraham. She called him her master. You are her children if you do what is right and are not afraid of trouble.

"Husbands, also live with your wife the way you know is right. Respect her because she is a woman. She is not as strong as a man. Also respect her because God has given her, as well as you, the blessing of life. In this way, you will not stop God from doing what you ask him to do."


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