My Christian wife is cheating on me

by

April 27, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 50 years old and I am a leader in my church. I am having a problem and it is so great that I do not know how to tell the elders of my church about it. My wife is 40 years old. She is my second wife.

My first wife died and I met this woman during convention. It took me a year to court this woman. She was never married and she does not have any children. I have five children. She is rebellious but I consider that she is like that because she did not grow up with a father and she was never married, so she doesn't know how to react to a man. We discussed that and she says that is her problem.

Although she was never married, she is not a novice in bed. She had several boyfriends but when we met she didn't have any. She confessed that she used to sleep with her boyfriends, but she never allowed them to come to her place because people in the neighbourhood knew her to be a Christian. She told me that she is done with that now that we are together.

I felt sure that I had met my match. We went for counselling and the pastor was impressed with her and encouraged me to marry her. How can I now tell him what is happening?

PHONECALLS

My wife has been cheating on me. I know I am not crazy. I noticed that sometimes when her phone rings, she gets up and leaves wherever we are and answers it but I never said anything.

One day a man called the land line. She was in the bedroom and I was in the living room. I told her to pick up and she did. She thought I had put the phone down but I didn't. I made a little noise on the phone to make her feel that I had hung up. I heard the man calling her honey and telling her where to meet him, when and what time. She told him alright but that she can't stay on the phone long because I am around. When she was in the kitchen, I asked her who called her and she said one of her brothers. I said nothing. I got the man's number from her phone and I gave it to one of my friends to call him to make sure that he was the right man. I have questioned my wife about him and she did not deny that they are friends. I asked her if they are still going to bed and to this day, she has not answered. I don't know what to do. If I am to put her out, I would have to resign from my position in church. Please give me your advice.

M.F.

Dear M.F.,

I suggest that you swallow your pride, so to speak, and ask your elders to help you deal with your unfaithful wife. It was the pastor of the church who encouraged you to marry her.

There are things that your wife has said to you that you do not necessarily have to tell the elders about. I am talking particularly about what she said she did before both of you got married. However, you should let them know what you have discovered since both of you were married. Perhaps this was one of the men your wife had as a lover before both of you were married and she has never ceased loving him and going to bed with him. She has not confirmed or denied that they are still having sex but you would be rather naive not to believe that they are. Evidently, your wife is not satisfied about something in the relationship so probably that is why she is cheating.

Don't delay, inform your wife that you are contemplating talking to the elders about your situation and you would very much appreciate if both of you would go to see them. I hope that she would not refuse to go with you. If she doesn't, it would be an indication that she is not interested in the relationship and she wants to get out.

Pastor

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