I feel so lost and hopeless
May the good Lord continue to bless you richly. Thank you for replying to my letter titled, 'My man is illiterate and controlling'. I ended the relationship with my boyfriend.
I have a serious problem that affects my life daily. I am always sad no matter how much I try to make myself happy. I grew up without my parents. My father died when I was eight years old and my mother abandoned my brother and me before my father died.
My family isn't united. Most of them don't speak to me and I don't talk to them either. This hatred is coming from the older generations in my family.
My grandmother took care of me from I was born until she stopped working. She is still kind to me even though I don't look to her for anything. I am quick to give to her than to look to her for anything. She is now 82 years old and is still strong.
I am degraded by fake friends and family members. My brother and I argue a lot. One day he told me when we were arguing that everyone says I am the worst family member and I bring down the family in the worst way. I broke down in tears instantly.
I was used by men and one of them almost gave me HIV. People think I have it. Frankly, Pastor, I don't have it. I didn't know that man for long so I wouldn't got careless for him, no matter what.
I told my family members about it and they used it against me. I feel so left out and unappreciated. I try my best to help the household but no one appreciates me or the little I do to help out the situation.
My past affects me badly because it's not something I liked or enjoyed. It was for survival, even though I stopped. I applied for jobs from 2013 and I still can't get one. I feel so empty, lost and hopeless. Please help me.
One thing you cannot do, and that is to change the past. You may learn how to deal with it, but you cannot change it.
The Apostle Paul, speaking of himself and his past said, "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14.
Paul was a great servant of God but he had committed some wicked deeds and people remembered what he did. And he had to live with himself and he came to the place where he realised that he could not change his past and some would always criticise him, so he looked to God for peace of mind and he found that peace in Christ Jesus. And so he wrote the famous lines which I have quoted.
Your relatives are aware of the type of life you lived but that type of lifestyle is behind you. They may use it or they may try to use it against you, but you have to realise that you would not be able to stop them from talking. Put your life in God's hand. Pray, fast and go to church. Continue to seek a job. Don't give up on life. My prayers are with you.