There are other things besides sex!


April 30, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 17, going 18. I grew up in a home without much guidance. All the girls in my area were having sex. Most of them got pregnant. I started to have sex when I was 15. The guy told me he loved me. I told him I loved him, too, but I was not ready to have sex. He told me that if I loved him, I had to prove it to him. I told him I didn't have to prove it by having sex. He said that was the only way he would believe me.

He used to pick me up and take me out. He was 30. One night he said he could not wait anymore to have sex, but I was having my period. So he said, okay, as soon as my period finished we would have sex, and I agreed.

When I saw him again I was not feeling well, I was not lying. He asked me what was wrong. I told him I didn't know but I was not feeling well.

He took me for a ride and I told him to take me home. He did. The next day he called me several times to find out how I was doing.

He was going away on business, so he told me we had to have sex before he left, otherwise he was going to have sex with one of his ex-girlfriends who wants him back.

I didn't want him to leave me so we arranged to go out. He took me to a place and we had sex.

My mother thought I was with one of my friends. My friend knew I was with my boyfriend. We continued our relationship for a year. I went to a crusade and got saved. I called and told him what happened. He said he was happy for me. Now I am sorry I had not waited until I was married to have had sex. Sometimes when I am in youth meetings and they are discussing virginity, some of the girls say they have lost theirs. Some say that although they were sexually active, they are now choosing secondary virginity.

My boyfriend has left me but I am trying my very best to live a new life. I met another guy who is a Christian. I told him, up front, that I am not a virgin. He started to question me a lot but I refused to tell him what happened in my life, so he stopped dating me.

Sometimes I do feel for sex but I am not allowing the guys around to use me.

There is a girl who is my very good friend at church. We talk to each other about what we did in the past. She had sex a few times after she became a Christian because the guy she was with promised he would marry her but kept on telling her that she should wait, so they broke up. Now, he is not in the church anymore.

We plan to stay as we are and be faithful to God until we meet serious guys who will marry us.

I am attending university and my friend is also in university. We are just fine. Sex has its place but it is not the only thing that occupies my mind. Pastor, keep up the good work you are doing.


Dear E.D,

You are endeavouring to live a good Christian life. You gave away your virginity when you were very young. What your boyfriend at the time told you is what they all tell their girlfriends. They say if they don't have sex with them they are not proving that they love them.

Now that you are a Christian, you are enduring to serve the Lord. You talked about secondary virginity. By that you mean you have made a decision to abstain from sexual intercourse and will not give your body to any man until you are married.

Your very close girlfriend has taken the same position. You should encourage each other and strengthen each other's resolve. I wish you both well. Continue to go to church and serve the Lord.


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