Can't believe he rejected me although I am light-skinned


May 04, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I had a crush on a man at my workplace. He was always neatly dressed. He spoke well and he was very kind. The other girls in the office loved him, too. One day, I decided to try my luck. I had two tickets for a play, so I asked him if he was interested in accompanying me to the play. He politely declined by saying that on that evening he already had a date. So I said to him, "Perhaps we can go out at another time." Without struggling for words he replied, "I don't think so because I am already taken." I felt so ashamed because it was the first time that I was ever rejected by a man.

I am of brown complexion, slim and educated. My parents are well known. All I wanted from this man was his attention and, I was hoping, down the road, a little sex. I wasn't thinking about marriage right away. But he stopped me in my tracks. It is very painful for me at work because, since he turned me down, he has been out with another co-worker and she is not a good-looking girl.

Do you think I should ask him why he rejected me and went out with her? I have to fight hard not to hate him.


Dear Y.K.,

Please don't cause any problems over this man at your workplace. You have admired this man and you invited him out and he declined your invitation. He told you that he has his girlfriend, so he would not be interested in going anywhere with you. Nothing was wrong with that. You are annoyed because you have discovered that he has gone out with another female employee. You are not to make an issue out of that. He has reasons and these reasons are known only to him. So don't allow jealousy to spoil the good working relations that you have enjoyed with him.

You claimed that you are a very good-looking girl and that you are of light complexion. Why couldn't you just say that you are a beautiful girl? Why did you have to add that you are of light complexion? Is it that you are brainwashed into believing that if you are of light complexion, you are pretty? I hope that is not what you meant because there are many women who are of light complexion who are not attractive at all, so get that in your head.

And while we are at this thing, let me say to you, and to all women reading my comments, that an intelligent man would rather go out with a girl who is smart, who can carry on a good conversation and does not depend upon her outward beauty to attract men. If you are depending on your beauty and your family ties to help you get through life, you are on the wrong path.

Stop hating this man, as he has done you no wrong. You are only hurting yourself by having the wrong attitude towards this man and your female employee.


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