My daughter's boyfriend is broke


May 05, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and my wife and I have two children, a boy and a girl. We are all Christians. My first girl is crazy over a boy. This boy is not a Christian. We have told her that it is wrong to associate herself with young men who are not Christians. She is always defending this boy. We suspected that she has been having sex and we confronted her about it and she admitted it. I told her how disappointed I am in her, and her reply was that everybody is doing it.

This young man is working, but he has not gone to college. My daughter is attending college and they are planning to get married as soon as she is finished. My wife and I are heartbroken. Our sweet daughter is abandoning everything that she was taught about family life. This relationship is not healthy. Mark you, the guy has good manners, but what he is earning cannot give them a good start as a married couple. Our daughter likes the good life and she is strong-headed.

I told her that because everybody is doing something doesn't mean that it is right. Pastor, I don't know what to do. I told her that she should not consider getting married immediately after college. She says if they don't get married, they would live together. If they decide to live together I would prefer to see them married because I would never to go to that house to see her if they live and are sleeping together.

My pastor spoke to her about the relationship that she is having with this guy, and she told the pastor that she would prefer to stop attending his church than leave her boyfriend. Pastor, give me your advice, please.


Dear H.R,

It seems to me that you've had a good family and that you have tried very much to make your family happy. But you should bear in mind that in every family there are going to be trials and disagreements. All of your children are not going to follow in your footsteps or those of your wife. They make their own mistakes and decisions, and they may even do things that you don't like. But you will always have to remember that you have done your best and you have to respect them and accept them, no matter what those decisions may be.

Your daughter is in love. You believe that she loves the wrong man. But I beg you, please don't put up a fight. You have tried to guide her and show her the way she should go. You cannot expect to do more. You don't like the young man as a son in law, but that's her man. Unfortunately, if she is making the wrong decision, by the time she comes to herself, it might be too late for her to reverse the wrong decision that she has made. In fact, certain decisions cannot be reversed.

If you continue to fight her over her boyfriend she will get closer to him and totally ignore what you and your wife say to her. Maintain your Christian principles. Don't give up on that, but allow her to live her life. Remember, she is over 18.


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