Afraid to introduce my man to my parents


May 10, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 24, unemployed and do not have children. I live in my parents' house.

I am a university graduate and seeking a job. I have a boyfriend. He is 29. He is in a stable job but has two children with two different women. He supports his children and is not married to any of the mothers.

His reason for leaving them was because they had cheated on him. He had proposed to one of them and, in spite of that, she cheated on him.

When I met him, he said he was single. He told me his story. He loves me and I love him. We have talked about getting married and settling down. However, I am scared of introducing him to my parents because I think they will reject him because he has kids.

I really love him and our love for each other is mutual. I am hoping and praying I get a job so I can live on my own and start dating this guy.

It has been two years since we have been talking. It seems like the relationship is stagnant and I am the reason for that because I am scared of rejection from my parents.

When we started talking six months ago, I mentioned to my parents that I had a boyfriend and would like to introduce him to them. They got upset, especially my mother.

I am stressed and need advice as to what to do. I don't want to do anything stupid. What must I do?


Dear Scared,

I do admire the love and respect you have for your parents. Evidently, you would not want to do anything to make them unhappy but, at the same time, you have a strong love for this young man you met.

He has fathered two children. You should bear in mind that, if you were to marry him, you are going to want a child by him, so you would have a family of five, his children and the one you would expect to have.

You might not be satisfied with having one child, you might want two, so you would end up having a family of six. That is a pretty big family these days.

Your parents also know it is better for a man to use his money to support his household and not to spray it around to children who are outside the marriage bond, so to speak.

I encourage you to tell your parents exactly what is happening. You are 24 and, if interested in a guy, whether or not he has children, you should let your parents know.

You told them you have a boyfriend and they were upset, especially your mother, she was not even aware that the guy is a father.

Why was she so upset? Is it that they are interested in you going on to do post-grad work and they believe that having a boyfriend now would impede your progress?

Don't do anything in a hurry. This guy gave you his reasons for not marrying any of his children's mothers. You don't know if he is speaking the truth. You are only hearing from him.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to get out of your parents' home, whether it is this man or another. Make sure you try to find out all you can about the man who shows interest in you.

Remember you are old enough to speak to your parents without fear about your future partner. Make sure that when you are doing so, you are respectful.


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