I don't mind my husband searching my handbag, phone


May 10, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Keep up your good work. I am having a problem. My husband and I have been together for seven years. We have been married for five. My husband is a very jealous man. I knew that from the time we met so I didn't try to change him.

I suspected that he went into my bag but I did not ask him anything.

I have two handbags, one I use when I am going to church and the other when I am going to work. I put the necessary things in each bag that I would need and put them down in our room.

I don't have anything to hide from my husband but I expect him to respect my privacy. I don't have a password on my phone. If my husband wants to use my phone, he can use it at anytime. He has a password on his and I don't question why.

There is a young woman who calls him all the time at home. One day I asked him why. He said she is having problems with her husband and confides in him. I didn't say anything about it because a woman can have a male friend.

Pastor, I am not careless with my husband. Even when I am tired and he wants to have sex, I try to meet his needs. My husband has tried to have sex with me many times and I fall asleep while we were having sex.

I don't want him to go to another woman so I try my best to please him. Pastor, these women who are always fussing about their husbands going into their phones and searching and their bags are doing so because they have something to hide.

If a wife or girlfriend doesn't have anything to hide, she should not be afraid. If her husband has a peep now and then, she should not be upset. That is the way I see it.


Dear T.R.,

You are a wise woman, a very wise one too. You are not hiding anything in your bags from your husband. You don't have male friends sending you porno pictures, whether they are of themselves or of others.

There is nothing that your husband cannot see, so you can afford not to have a password on your phone.

Couples who fight over their phones are silly and it is a recipe for the destruction of a relationship if inappropriate things are sent from a male to a man's wife or a female to a woman's husband.

Sometimes a man or woman may have a password on his phone or computer not because he/she wants to keep others out but because they do not wish for their children to use their phone or to search them. I cannot understand why some men are always looking into the bags of their women.

Some women do carry condoms in their handbags. If, indeed, a man suspects that his wife or girlfriend is having an affair, it is likely he would be on the lookout for some sort of evidence. The condom would be proof that something is going on.

Nothing beats trust and respect in a relationship. When a man respects his wife and trusts her, there are things he does not stoop to do. He doesn't have to body search her when she goes out and comes home, neither does he have to question her.

I wish your husband and yourself the very best. May you have many years together.


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