Withholding sex made him love me more


May 12, 2016

Dear Pastor

I am 30 years old and married. My husband and I have two children. After I had my first child I put on a little weight and I noticed that my husband was ignoring me. He told me that he wasn't enjoying sex with me anymore. I asked him why, and he said that my stomach was too big. I told him that he did not have to come on me, I could go on him, and that there are other ways that we could enjoy each other.

What my husband did wasn't funny. He went on the road and got involved with two different women. One of them was my friend. I got to find out that he was always there. I did not say anything to him but I called my friend and asked her why she was encouraging my husband to come to her house. She said that he only drops by as a friend, and I shouldn't listen to what others say as she would never do that to me.

One evening I got dressed just at the time I knew that he should be home. I took a taxi and went to where my so-called friend lives. I saw my husband's car at the gate. I did not say anything. I went straight home. I called his number and he said that he was working late. I called my girlfriend and she said that she hasn't seen him.

I told her that I saw his car at her gate so I knew that he is there with her, and because I am a Christian I did not want to make any scandal, and that I hope that she enjoys having sex with him. She never said a word.


When my husband came home I told him that he should continue with her. I separated myself from him and was sleeping in another room. I was in there one week before he came in and tried to have sex with me. I took off 20lb and for three months I did not have sex with him. He did not go back to the girl's house. She told him not to come back.

But people told me that he was fooling around a schoolgirl. I punished him by not having sex with him. And not only that, I started to flirt with another man he knows but we were not sexual. He couldn't take it. I never had sex with the man. But I used to call and talk to the man while my husband was at home. My husband got very jealous and he confessed everything to me. I know that when a woman withholds sex from a man it is risky, but in my case it worked. When I finally allowed my husband to have sex with me it did not take him a week to impregnate me again. I have put on a little weight but not as much as before. There is nothing my husband wouldn't do for me now.

Pastor, I love you. Keep up your good work.


Dear F.R.

I have said on many occasions, and now I repeat, some women can become very careless when they are pregnant. They become fat. And there are some men who find it difficult to deal with their women during pregnancy. It is very unfortunate that some men do not understand that some women gain weight during pregnancy. However, women should do everything in their power to go back to their normal size after giving birth.

On the other hand, men should learn to be supportive, understanding and cooperative during that period of women's life and after. They should not get involved with other women and should stop using the silly excuses that they can't deal with their wives.

You handled your situation well. Perhaps your girlfriend thought she was helping you out by becoming sexually involved with your husband. If that was what she intended, it backfired on her. You are a good woman. You have learnt a lot from this experience.

Sorry I have to say this, but I must. One of the things that I must say is, never trust your female friends totally with your husband. Never swear that your man would never get sexually involved with your friend or with another woman. Now that things are going well with your husband, try your very best to keep it that way and don't constantly mention what he did when both of you have a disagreement.


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