I am confused about my boyfriend


June 25, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I don't even know where to begin. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 18.

For the last year and half, it's like we are not going anywhere.

About six months into the relationship, I was using his phone, one Sunday, and I noticed he and a chick had been communicating.

The nature of the texts seemed as if he and her were in a relationship.

I even saw where he had pictures of them in his phone in positions that he would never take with me.

When I confronted him about it, he denied having an intimate relationship, with female. He said they were just friends.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt and moved past that because I trusted him.

It's like he just says things for me to feel good whenever a matter arises. I was so hurt to know he was even communicating with another female in such a manner.

That passed and I noticed him acting differently. I asked him about the change. He said he was just going through a phase.

Again, he started 'flirting' with females over WhatsApp. I asked him about it, which, of course, he denied.

Am I too blind to see that this guy is using me?

When comes over my house to spend a night or weekend, I hear him talking to females when I am not in the room, then he denies it.

He never asks how I pay my bills, how I eat or if I have soap to bathe, nothing. I was unemployed at that time. I still didn't make it an issue.

At one point he started to make excuses for not coming to see me, but would go out with his friends.

In that period of time, I didn't see him for an entire month. We were only 15 minutes, or less, away from each other.

I just think he has another relationship, but I cannot find hard evidence. Do I need anything more?

I met another guy last year. We started out as friends but grew closer. At that time my boyfriend and I weren't on good terms. We weren't talking for about two months.

I missed him but this other guy just, somehow, got to my head and I wanted nothing to do with my cheating boyfriend.

When I sit and analyse what my friend was saying to me, he was right about my boyfriend and I.

I realise it was the truth getting to me, but I just needed some professional advice.

Am I playing nice girl to a player who doesn't want me, or should I give him time to adjust and see that I am worth changing for?

I am confused. Please help.


Dear Confused

I know, for sure, that you love the man who is living less than 15 minutes away from you. I know, also, that he doesn't care about you at all.

He is a very mean guy. He has been at your house, didn't bring you anything for the weekend and has not tried to assist you financially. He is not a good man.

You are wasting time with him. He doesn't respect you. You are blind. You have seen what's going on, but you are trying to convince yourself that what you have seen is not true.

The man has other women. He loves them much more than you. It is time for you to move on.

You have met another fellow, but it is too early for you to establish a close relationship.

Yes, I know you crave intimacy, but you have been bitten by this other fellow, so you should be very careful how you operate.

You should give yourself enough time to know what direction you should take.

What you want now is not just any other man in your life. If you are having a man, he must be an outstanding man, exceptional in every way. He should be trustworthy, loving and caring.

That cannot be said about the mean fellow. Perhaps you have found it very difficult to walk away from the player, but you must.

Resist the temptation to call him. Don't welcome him back to your house. You will not die without him. You have started too early to date the other guy.

But if you like him, don't allow the love to get to your head. Walk carefully.


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