I am pregnant but we can't afford another child

July 19, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have been living with a man for the past three years. We have a child together.

I came to live with him because my grandfather and grandmother didn't want him to come and visit me after 8 o'clock in the night.

He couldn't always come earlier because of his job, and I couldn't always go to where he lived because I didn't always have the fare and he was working not far from me.

So it was easier for him to come see me and see his child. A couple of times, he stayed over with me and my grandparents made a big fuss about it.

The second time it happened, he wasn't supposed to stay with me, but it was raining very hard and they did not even know that he was there.

There was only one bathroom in the house. He had to go to the bathroom and my grandmother realised that he was there and told my grandfather. My grandfather told me that I had to leave.

I am here with this man, but it is very hard because he alone is working and he has to take care of his mother and also me and his child.

A week ago, I found out that I was pregnant. I don't know how to tell my mother that I am pregnant. It was a mistake because my boyfriend always tries to use the condom. So I don't know how he got me pregnant.

One thing I will not do is have an abortion. My baby's father is confused because he can't support another child now. Is abortion a sin? Just asking.

G.H.

Dear G.H.

I am wondering why this young man and you have not got married.

Your grandparents didn't want your boyfriend sleeping with you in their house and you weren't married.

Whether you agree with their position or not is not important. That was their position.

Your boyfriend and you have a child together. He wanted to see his child and you wanted to see your man. That was reasonable, but you should have had respect for your grandparents and not allowed your boyfriend to sleep there. Rain or no rain, he should not have stayed there.

If this man could have taken you to his house and live in concubinage with you, he could have married you. And if you were married, your parents would not object to him staying at their house.

You are a young girl, how could you say that you don't know how you got pregnant?

Yes, it is true that the man should try to protect you, but it is also your responsibility to protect yourself. The question is, what should you do now? The answer is simple.

Have your baby, but before you give birth, discuss the problems that both of you would face and both of you should agree to ask relatives to help you by taking the child as their own and raising him or her until both of you are in a position to adequately support the child.

You can consider allowing a relative who is financially stable to adopt the child as his or her own. I hope that after you have given birth and are able to work, that you will seek a job and help to share in meeting the financial needs of the home.

Pastor

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