I sleep on the floor when their boyfriends come over

September 15, 2016

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. The first time I wrote to you, I was living at home with my parents. Now I am living with two of my friends. They both have boyfriends and all three of us live in one room, but there is a little space where I sleep on a sleeping bag when any of their boyfriends is sleeping over. It is not convenient, but these girls don't care. They are paying the rent and I am only there because they want to help me.

The girls told me that I sleep badly, so when any of the guys come here, I have to sleep in pants and even pull a sheet over me and it is hot sometimes. And the bad thing about my situation is that if I want to use the bathroom during the night, I have to through the bedroom. One night I wanted to go into the bathroom and they locked the door. I knocked and knocked and nobody answered. I had to go outside to pass my urine. There is a guy who loves me. He is a big man and he is willing to rent a place to put me. I like him. He is two times my age. What do you think I should do?


Dear L.F.,

Your girlfriends are allowing you to stay with them. They are paying the rent, so they believe they can do anything to you and you cannot complain. As you put it, you are only there because they love you. You have not said why you have left your parents home. I know that some parents run their daughters out after they have become adults. Some even do so before the children are adults.

Unfortunately, some mothers tell their daughters it is time for them 'to take man'. These girls told you that "you sleep badly", so you should wear pants when their boyfriends are around and they are sleeping over. You are under serious restrictions. Concerning this man who likes you, and has offered to rent a room and put you in. You seem not to be enthused about that offer, mainly because the man is twice your age. I do not encourage girls to live in concubinage. This man is not going to put you in a room and pay the rent simply because he likes you. Whatever he does for you, I am assuming, would come with a tag price. You would have to decide whether you should take up that offer or continue to bounce with these girls who are your friends, until you are able to do better. If you are able to get a job, perhaps you can rent your own room and pay your bills for yourself. Let me hasten to add that I do not wish to imply that the man who has made the offer to you is not genuine at all. Many older men have assisted young women and the relationships have gone well. Perhaps you would eventually get to love this man. I repeat, you have to make your own decision.


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