I slept with my mom's ex-boyfriend

September 16, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and from I was 15 I have a boyfriend. My mother didn't know anything about him.

She knew about another guy who used to call me and text me, and we used to study together. She knew also that I had lots of school friends and we that go out together sometimes.

This man is twice my age. One day my mother heard me call his name and she asked me where I knew him from.

I told her that I knew him for a long time. She asked me again where I knew him from and I told her it was one of my school friends who introduced me to him.

He liked my friend, but my friend couldn't go with him because she had a steady boyfriend. After I told my mother how I got to know him, she didn't say anything.

Another day, she asked me when last I saw him and I told her that he called me. My mother told me that I should not have anything to do with him because they had an affair.

I was shocked because when I met him, I told him who were my parents and he did not tell me he knew my mother.

It was the first time since becoming an adult that my mother spoke to me about men.

I saw tears in my mother's eyes. I asked her what she meant by this man having an affair with her. She said that they were boyfriend and girlfriend.


I could not tell my mother that this man and I have had sex. Our first time was when I was in grade 10.

When he called me, I told him that I want to talk to him and I asked him why he did not tell me that my mother and himself had a relationship.

He said that that finished long ago; that is why he didn't tell me. I blamed my mother because if she had talked to me, then I would have known what to do and who not to go out with.

Sometimes I didn't have any lunch money and this man gave me money. He still calls me every day. I don't want to talk back to him, but at times I miss him. Is this natural?

Pastor, suppose he had gotten me pregnant? I asked him that question and he told me that I should not ask him that because I know he is always careful.

My mother broke up with him, but she has not told me why. He still asks me if I have money and he sends money to me through the girl who introduced me to him.


Dear P.S.,

I want you to know that I deeply sympathise with you, but more so with your mother and I also want you to know that you are very wrong for blaming your mother for what has happened to you.

It is highly unusual for a mother to tell her children how many men she has had in her life and who they were.

Many times, the reason why the children know is because the men got their mother pregnant.

So if a mother has eight children and they have different surnames, the children would know how many men impregnated their mother.

This man did not get your mother pregnant, so you would not have known that they had a relationship and your mother wouldn't have any reason to tell you about him.

Your man friend should be ashamed of himself. When he found out who your mother was, he should have backed out and not go further into the relationship with you.

But I am not surprised that he didn't. So many men who are living with women who have daughters, get involved with the daughters.


taking MONEY


You say that you have ended the relationship with him, but you have not totally done so because you are taking money from him.

Your mother would not be proud of you if she is aware that you have gone to bed with this man and, even now, accepting his money.

I hope that you have not told the young woman who introduced you to this man, that he had a relationship with your mother.

It is a pity that you are still accepting money from him. You have not said whether you are in school or working.

I hope that if you are not working and not in school, that you will try your best and go back to school.

I also hope that you will not have any intimate connection with this man anymore.


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