Is it wrong for Christians to fantasise?

September 19, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I am interested in a young man who is two years older than I am.

I can say that he is playing with my love. He is very handsome; he is also muscular, because he lifts weights.

Lots of girls love him because he told me so and I can see that it is true. He attends a sister church, it is the same body but a different branch.

This is his first year at university and he told me that any girl who loves him will have to wait a while for him.

While he was telling me that, I was wondering whether I could wait.

I bought him an inexpensive gift of three white kerchiefs and he thanked me and he said that he would cherish them.

Sometimes when I lay down in my bed I think about him and I fantasise a lot. One of the older women in my church was speaking to the girls about sexual fantasies, and she said it is wrong to fantasise. I felt so guilty.

This young man and I never had sex but we touch each other. When I gave him the kerchiefs, he kissed me on my lips.

My mother told me that she used to fantasise all the time about my father. She was not sure that he was going to marry her. She used to keep a picture of him under her pillow. One day, her mother saw the picture and told her to put it on her dresser so that she could see it all the time.




My mother does not know that I love this man; we have never talked about him in a sexual way. Is it wrong to fantasise?

I wonder all the time how it would feel to go to bed with this guy, he looks so strong. Would I be able to bear him?

He is a heavy guy, so how would it feel for him to be in me? Is it wrong to think about all these things? I can't help thinking about him.

Please answer my letter


Dear W.N.,

Let me set your heart at ease by telling you that everybody from time to time fantasise. It is normal, so don't beat up yourself by thinking that you are the world's greatest sinner for fantasising. Unsaved people fantasise and Christians do the same.

Men wonder if they can put up with the challenge women would bring to them, and women wonder if they can satisfy their men.

Is it ever wrong to fantasise? I think that if you become so obsessed with fantasies and you play roles with what you are thinking, then you need professional help.

You should always be in control of yourself. If you were to find yourself stripping and playing with your private parts and obsessed over sex and doing role play, then you have gone too far.

To fantasise is not in itself wrong. To think about what you would wear on your wedding day after the ceremony, whether you would cry the first night you spend with your man and if you would like making love with him is not wrong and should not be condemned.

Normal girls think of these things; however, you will get into trouble if you begin to engage in sexual fantasies to the extreme. You would have crossed the line.


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