I feel like God has forsaken me
I am a 19-year-old female from St Ann. I never knew I could hate my life so much. Growing up, I faced many problems.
My mother is a single mom with four of us. My father was never there even in times when we needed him. He is a police officer in Kingston.
When I was 14, life got hard. I was in grade 8 at the time when the struggles kicked in. My mother was in the market at that time trying to get the night's dinner. It hurts my soul seeing what she had to do because of us.
Anyway, I never missed a day of school and I did well in my studies. Upon entering grade 9, I could hardly make it, but I did. I missed a lot of days so my average fell.
Many nights I cried, because I thought I was failing in grade 10. I was focusing on building back my grades, and I did.
I was going to school with $50 or $70 when my bus fare was $140, not knowing how I was going to reach back home after school.
In grade 11 it got harder. Many days I left home without money but I made it to school. I got recommended for 10 subjects but I only did 8, and I passed 7 with ones and twos. I failed math.
I never graduated because of my disrespect to the teachers, because at one point I never felt any love. My family isn't a loving one and my mother was frustrated most times.
PROOF OF QULIFICATION
I left school but I couldn't get proof of qualification because of the outstanding school fees.
I went to a training school and successfully completed a course in food preparation. I trained for one month and from that I have been seeking a job, but I haven't got any as yet.
Right now, I feel like giving up because nothing is working. We are on our face financially and it's tearing me apart. I could have got help but in advance I would have to have sex and I value myself too much.
I pray every day but nothing works. I got accepted in a college but I cannot go because I cannot afford the fees.
I cry every night because I feel like God has forgotten about me. I am tired, and I really want to go back to school but I want to get a job to help myself. I am frustrated and I don't know what to do.
I hope your father who is a policeman would read your letter and recognise that it was written by you, and that his conscience will prick him.
In fact, I hope it will more than prick him; I hope that his conscience will cause him to be tormented and that he would realise that he is partly to be blamed for your suffering.
Undoubtedly, you are a good girl. You have struggled a lot. Although you have been in need for a long time, you have not thrown yourself around to men. I congratulate you for keeping your head high, so to speak.
You have not said which college accepted you. I am wondering why you haven't considered getting help from the Students' Loan Bureau.
I am sure that if you had discussed your career with your principal or vice-principal they would have advised you about the Students' Loan Bureau and what steps should be taken to receive loans for school.
Though your father has not been visible in your life, I suggest that you try and contact him and tell him of your plans. Perhaps now that you have done so well, he might do his best to help you.
In the meantime, I assure you of my prayers, and if anyone is willing to assist you financially, I will contact you.