I got pregnant for a married man

October 04, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old woman and I have one son who is a year old. This child is clearly a mistake, but it is working out in my favour.

I got involved with a man who told me that he was 40 years old. It turned out that he did not tell me the truth. He is 50 years old. He told me that he was not married and I believed him because when he took me to where he was living, I looked around and did not see any sign that a woman was living there.

But it was not his house that he took me to; it was to his brother's house. His brother and his wife had gone to live in the States and left him in charge to do some refurbishing and to rent it.

He rented the house about two weeks after he took me there. The day he took me to the house, all the furniture of his brother and his wife were there. I had sex with him and he got me pregnant.

One night he took me to Chelsea Avenue to buy jerked pork and when I was getting out of the car, he pulled me back in. I asked him what happened, he said, "Nothing, but you should wait". A lady came to the car door and spoke to him. She asked him, "Who is she?" and he described me as his niece and she said "Oh! Because I was going to tell your wife that I see you with woman."




I asked him after she left, how he said that he did not have a wife. He said that they were not getting along, so as far as he is concerned, he does not have a wife.

When I told him that I was pregnant, he was very happy. I told him that I was not happy because I did not want to get pregnant for a married man.

He said that he had gone to a lawyer because he and his wife are going to get a divorce.

My parents were not very happy with me. My father is a deacon in his church and I am his pet. He did not want to see me pregnant and not married. They told me to bring the man home to them. When my father saw him, my father was so shocked. Both of them know each other.

My father said, "Is you who got my daughter pregnant?" and he said, "But I didn't know that it was your daughter." My mother and I left my babyfather and my father to talk.

They spoke for about two hours and then he left. My father did not say a word to me, but he told my mother everything that my babyfather said.




His wife had cheated on him with his cousin and as a result of that, they were not having sex. So they had agreed to get a divorce and with my getting pregnant, he was trying to speed up the divorce.

If I did not get pregnant, this man would not marry me. That is why I said that this pregnancy was a blessing. He and his wife are going to sell their house and he is buying a house in both our names. My parents are all for it.

Pastor, I am still angry with him because he fooled me by telling me he was not married.

I love him, but should I trust him? I told him that he should have told me the truth from the beginning. My mother told me that is how men behave when they want women.

Do you think I should ever trust this man? He and his wife have two children. She has not told him why she cheated, but he said that he believes that she was having sex with his cousin before she got married to him because the guy does not have any money to give her.


Dear T.R.,

A man ought to always speak the truth. When this man met you, he should have told you that he was married. It would have been your decision whether you have sex with him.

Both of you were very careless to have unprotected sex, but he should have exercised more caution.

I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't have protected yourself, but you probably believed that he was speaking the truth.

I hope that by now this man has come clean in every way.

You considered what has happened to you as a blessing. I supposed you mean that you are going to move out of your parents' house and into your own.

Don't forget that this man will want his children to visit him occasionally wherever he is. I hope that you are prepared for that.

He is 50 and in 20 years he will be 70. I hope that he has been in good health so that you would not be burdened to support a senior citizen.

Although he did not tell you the truth when both of you met, I hope that he would endeavour to speak the truth now, and I suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor.


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