I want to get married now, but my man doesn't want to

October 12, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 years old and I have a son. His father had promised to marry me, but every year he puts it off. We are the same age.

Since becoming a Christian, another guy has fallen in love with me, but I don't know what to do. I went out with this church brother twice. It was just for dinner. My babyfather heard and made a big stink about it. He asked me if I had sex with him and I told him no. I also told him that I am tired of waiting on him. I have been waiting for five years now and he is not giving me any positive word.

Pastor, I am working, but my child's father is paying half the rent and the rent is $40,000 a month. I can't manage the rent on my own. If I could have managed the rent on my own, I would have left my child's father long ago. I can't say that he is not treating me well, he is. I don't have to ask him for money for the child. And since I have become a Christian, he doesn't pressure me for sex.

But I am not lying to you, sometimes when I am feeling lonely, I call him and he comes because he knows I want to have sex with him.

He is not living with a woman. He lives at his mother's house. His mother loves me, but she has not encouraged him to get married. I don't know why.

It seems he is afraid to leave his mother. He is an only child. His mother travels sometimes and buys me nice stuff, nothing cheap. I love her as a mother-in-law.




I wonder sometimes whether she feels I am not good enough for her son. She is a middle-class woman and I come from the inner city.

This man is the second one I have had in my life. He knows that I am not a bad girl.

When he asked me why I went out with the guy, I told him that I am tired of waiting on him and I would like to get married. He said I should wait. I asked him for how long. He told me not to push him. I really love him.

He has so much more than what my church brother has and can give me.

I would like to have another child before I am 35.

My church brother wants to come and visit me at my house, but I told him no. He wants to know why not, but I have not told him.

I need your advice.


Dear M.T.,

Please don't be surprised at what I am going to tell you. I know that you are anxious to get married, but do not go further with your church brother.

Whenever he invites you out, tell him that unfortunately you cannot come. You do not have to give him a reason.

You say that when you feel lonely, you call your boyfriend over. So just as how you can call him when you feel you need his company, when you want to go out to the movies or a play, call him. Let him know. In fact, you should encourage him to have an evening each week to take you and your child out. Both of you need to spend time together alone and another time as a family.

You are fortunate to be loved by this man's mother. I say fortunate because so many women hate their mothers-in-law. She likes you, but I am not surprised that she has not encouraged her son to marry you.

By the way, you have not mentioned what type of work you do. May I suggest that you try and go back to school.

Don't even tell your church brother that you like him. If you do, he will always be after you.

OK. So I have not encouraged you to date your church brother. I believe your child's father is the better deal, so to speak. Time will tell if I have it right.


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