Should I invite my father to my wedding?

October 28, 2016

Dear Pastor,

My father disowned me when I was born, but it was my grandmother who told him not to own me. That is what my mother told me. So I grew up hating my grandmother on my father's side, and I did not like my father either.

My father is of light complexion and my mother is of dark complexion. When I was born, my mother said that my father's mother told him that I was a jacket because I was too black to be his daughter.

My mother took it very hard. She is a teacher, and some of her friends heard that the man said that I was not his child and her friends laughed at her.

My mother tried with me, and when I was eight, she got married to another man and he treated me like his own. Even when my mother was upset with me, this man would tell her that that was not the way to grow a child.




One day my mother was talking to friends, but she did not know I was hearing. She told them that when she is frustrated, she takes it out on me, especially when she remembers what my father did.

I love my mother and my stepfather, too. He is a gentleman. He has helped my mother in every way. Some girls have problem with their step-fathers. I never have problem with this man.

One Sunday, I was coming from church and my real father saw me and said that he wanted to talk to me. I walked away and then I stopped and asked him what was it he wanted to talk to me about. He said he wanted to ask me pardon for not taking care of me. I told him that I do not want anything from him, but it is nice to know that he has now acknowledged me as his daughter.

When I told my mother what he said, my mother said that if he had said that to her, she would surely tell him some Jamaican curse words.

Pastor, I am getting married, and I am wondering whether I should invite my father to my wedding. My mother said it is up to me. My stepfather said that he should come and eat his heart out. I don't know what to do. Please help me on what to do.


Dear O. E.,

The only father you have known is your stepfather. You did not give your age, but I suspect that you are in your 20s.

Your biological father embarrassed your mother by not accepting paternity. I can imagine how hard it was to support you on her meagre salary.

It must have been a blessing when she met another man who married her and helped to raise you.

Why did it take your biological father so long to accept you? He should have done better. However, as the saying goes, it is better late than never". Evidently, you have forgiven your father.

I suggest that you invite him to your wedding, but no mention at all should be made of him at the reception.

Your mother and your step-father should receive all the praise. Congratulations on your wedding. I wish you and your gentleman of many years of togetherness.


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