Girlfriend brought two other men in my bed

November 07, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column and I have learnt a lot. When I started reading the column, I used to say to myself, 'This man not easy' because you can be rough at times, but I have come to realise that you are just straight forward.

I know my girlfriend reads your column every day and she listens to you every night. But she has been doing me things that I don't like, so when she sees this in the paper, I am hoping she will change.

I am 27 years old and she is only 21. Her parents are Christians and when she and I started to become involved, her parents told her that she cannot be in a relationship and live in their house; she would either have to leave or break up with me. They behaved as if she was a virgin. Is a pity they didn't know that she had been having sex from she was 17 years old. That is what she told me when I just met her. All her father gave her was $700 to go to school for the whole week, and the guy she had before me used to be very controlling.

I rented a place and told her that we could live together. We shared a two-room house with another girl. The girl we were sharing with told me that my girlfriend has two male friends that visit her and they take turns in coming to see her. One day, I asked her if anybody came to the house, and she told me 'no'. I am not good in questioning a woman, and Pastor, I love her so much.




I began to watch her closely. One Saturday, I noticed that she changed the sheets as she always does. Both of us left the same time on Monday. I had to do overtime because I am working with a company that does export. When I got back home, she got up and fixed me some tea. But she wasn't acting right. The next morning I didn't touch her. That morning, I noticed that she had changed the sheet and pillow cases and I wondered why, but I didn't say anything.

On the weekend, the girl that we shared house with and my girlfriend had a fuss over the cleaning of the bathroom and, in my presence, she cursed my girlfriend and told her some expletives and called me a fool. She said that it is not just my girlfriend and herself who are using the bathroom and messing it up, but it is my girlfriend's men who are coming to see her and who she entertains. My girlfriend called her a liar, but the other girl said that she can prove it because the last man who slept with her was on Monday when I did not come in early. She was also able to call the guy's name.

Pastor, I don't know what to do because I give this girl whatever she wants. So she should not be keeping other men with me. From that day, I am sleeping on the floor and she is still denying that she is giving me 'bun'. She and the girl are not talking now; there is only tension in the house. I believe that she is cheating. So I am asking you for your advice.


Dear M.E.,

I am going to be straight to you. Ask this so-called girlfriend to go back to her parents' home. She cannot be trusted. I believe that the young woman who lives in the same house is speaking the truth. She hasn't given any indication that it is because she wants to be intimate with you why she has told you what your girlfriend is doing. Perhaps your girlfriend knew these guys before you and they were having sexual intercourse with her.

It is evident that you are trying to please your girlfriend and to meet her needs, but she wants more and this is where the other guys come into the picture. She is not satisfied with what you are able to provide for her, so she is cheating. Let her go, end the relationship with her. You don't need to give her a second chance. She is not a smart girl. She did not even go out to have sex with the guys; they came right into the house that you are paying for. Let this girl go her way.

You are a hard-working, young man. You shouldn't be sleeping on the floor, but I can understand why you do not want to sleep on the same bed that other men have been having sex with your girlfriend. Whether or not she cries blood, end this relationship with her.

Your life is at risk. Don't take chances. Men can pass on STIs and she may pass them on to you.


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