Husband quenching thirst for sex elsewhere
This is the first time I am writing to you. I have always read your columns but I have never listened to your radio show until recently. Good job. Keep it up.
I am writing to you because I am having a problem. I am 24 years old and my husband is 25. We both got married at a young age. I was 23 and he was 24. Everything was going well. At first, we had our ups and downs, but we seem to work it out.
I don't live in Jamaica anymore, but he does. He is a policeman and I am a nurse. I usually go home every three months or so. It has been a year since we are married and things are not working out anymore. As a result, I searched his phone and saw a lot of messages from different females. He tells them he loves them and that he cannot wait to see them. I asked him about them and he said they were his friends.
One morning I got a text from a young lady asking me if I'm his wife and I said yes. She started telling me that she got a text from his phone saying to leave their man alone and she wanted to know if it was me. I texted her and then it came to me as I said, "Wah u just said gurl".
I called him and asked about her and he said that she was threatening him, saying that she will tell his wife a lot of lies about what is going on. So I said OK.
READY TO HAVE CHILD
We are not talking because I told him I was ready to have a child. He said he is not ready as yet. At times I pierced the condom and he found out. It was like hell. He never spoke to me or anything. I have not received any call or text from him.
It has been two months since this happened. Today, my friend told me she saw him at a fast-food outlet last week with a young lady. He saw her and went to her and asked that she keep it a secret from his wife.
Pastor, at this point I feel like I want to call it an end, return his rings to him and give up. Everyone keeps telling me to work on it, but I do not see anything to work on. I cry every day and night, asking God to fix him, but I don't know. What should I do, Pastor?
Dear J. B.,
I want to know from you what is wrong if a married man goes to a fast-food restaurant in the company of a woman who is not his wife? Perhaps the policeman told your friend not to say anything to you because he knows that she can't keep her mouth and she is a troublemaker. And if you were to be told that he was in the company of a female, you are likely to say he was having an affair with the female.
Sometimes I feel sorry for men who have wives who are overly jealous. These wives believe that whether it's at the workplace or on the road or any social gathering that their husband are seen talking to females, they are having affairs with them. Your husband might be a very careless man, but you should not believe everything you hear. Policemen are very popular, but not all of them are womanizers.
Perhaps he had a fling with this girl who called you and he wanted to give her up, so she threatened to tell you want happened between both of them. Perhaps, also, he didn't tell her that he was married and she found out, so she decided to make a big issue of it. She wants your man, so she'll do anything to get him.
I am not sure the way you are going about it is the right way. What you should insist that the both of you do is to get professional help. You want to get pregnant. He is not ready for a child. You are trying to trick him by punching holes in the condom. How silly you are! If after putting holes in the condom and you indeed get pregnant, your husband will never trust you again.
I am not giving your husband licence to be unfaithful to you, but remember he is only 25 years old and you are living abroad and he is only seeing you every three months; that is not enough time for a young man and his wife to be together. He probably has not told you that he needs sex more often and it is either you are going to stay here in Jamaica or he joins you wherever you are abroad.
Regardless of how many Hail Marys he says, he is going to feel for sex and you are the only one, legally, who can quench his thirst for sex. I know some people are going to condemn me for what I am saying here, but God knows that I am speaking the absolute truth.
Having said the above, let me also add that I am sure that the decision that your husband and you made, that you to live abroad while he stays in Jamaica, was mutual. You did not decide to live abroad without his consent. Therefore, your husband has to learn to control his sexual urges at all times and the same goes for you. Women are likely to throw themselves at him, but he should resist them.
I therefore suggest that you stick with your husband and try to work with him. You have my prayers.