She no longer wants to have sex

November 15, 2016

Dear Pastor

I would like your advice. I am currently living with a woman who is 24 years old. We recently had a baby together. The child is 5 months old.

However, since she had the baby, she doesn't seem to want to have sex with me anymore. I am 41 years old and I am wondering if it is the age difference and whether she no longer finds me sexually appealing.

She says she feels 'sexy' in the middle of the day, but pastor, she used to feel 'sexy' all the time.
I certainly can't leave work to come to satisfy her in the middle of the day. I have tried to do so before, but she didn't feel in the mood that day.

I think I am wasting my time with this woman. I don't think she's seeing anyone else and neither am I, but I think this relationship may not be going anywhere.

Do you think it could be because of the baby?

R. H.

Dear R. H.

Be patient with your woman. What she is going through has nothing to do with your age, and neither does it have to do with your physique.
According to a poll in the BellyBelly forums, the most significant reason why mothers feel disinterested in sex is a lack of sleep. Almost half of the women who responded said more sleep would make them feel like more sex. Science backs them up too. A recent study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that for each additional hour of sleep a woman has, it increased the likelihood of her having sex by 14 per cent. They also found women with longer average sleep duration reported better genital arousal than women with shorter average sleep length. 

If your woman is not having enough sleep, that would indeed have something to do with her not being in the mood for sex.
Young mothers often become depressed after giving birth. They have too much work to do and unless their men are supportive and find ways of giving these mothers a break, the men will suffer in the bedroom by not getting their women to respond sexually.

Suffer from fear

Some women did not have normal birth and that too can affect their sexual response. They are often depressed and need time to overcome their depression. Some women do suffer from fear and should seek the advice of their physician and it might not be a bad idea for their husbands to accompany them to the doctor.

May I suggest that this woman and you find alternative ways to satisfy each other until she is comfortable in having vaginal sex. Don't rush the woman. Perish the thought of giving up on the relationship because you believe it is time for her to please you by having sexual intercourse. That is not a wise way to think.

Please understand that your woman may experience vaginal dryness. Her thought are not on having sexual intercourse, but that will change as the days go by. If you love this woman, you would try to learn what really is going on and you would not consider leaving because you are eager to have sex with her. You would not die for not having sex with her. I repeat, be patient.

Other Tell Me Pastor Stories