Church sister wishes she could be a virgin again

December 19, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Kindly help me with my problem. I am 25 years old and I have a good job. I am a Christian. I am very active in church. I teach Sunday school and sing on the choir.

A young man has proposed to me. He is two years younger than I am. He is the pastor of one of our churches. At first, when he showed interest in me, I told him that I was not interested.

I was very promiscuous growing up. I did what the other girls did. I even experimented with something very bad. Sex was something I could not do without, at least, so I thought. But it has been two years now since I have been celibate. I wish that I could be a virgin again. I read a few months ago about second virginity and would like for you to explain what this is about.

My fiancé has never raised the issue with me about whether I am a virgin. I think he takes it for granted that because I am so active in church, I must be a virgin. We are planning to get married in about a year from now.

Do you think that I should mention to him that I am not a virgin? Please explain what I can do to feel as if I am a virgin again. My fiancé has only played with my breasts and kissed me. That is the furthest we have gone. I wonder whether he would love me if he knew how promiscuous I was before I came to know the Lord.

Please give me your advice, Pastor. Thank you.


Dear L. E.

You cannot change your past. What you have done is done. This young man who has fallen in love with you ought to know that you are not a virgin. He suspects that you are not sexually active. You believe that he assumes that you are a virgin.

Therefore, it is better to tell him now that you are not. He will be every foolish to walk away from you because you declared that you are not a virgin. You can simply declare to him that you fooled around with other guys, but that you have tried to walk circumspectly since you have become a Christian.

Please do not tell him how many men have been intimate with you. If you were promiscuous, as you say, then the number is high. But whether the number is large or small, you must not allow any man to question you about the number of men you have had sex with. That is in the past.

Second virginity can be described as 'revirginzation'. It is the process of a sexually active person attempting to regain virgin status by abstaining from sexual relations, especially during the time just before marriage. It is also called secondary virginity or revirgination.


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