My father caught me having sex on the lawn

December 22, 2016

Dear Pastor
I am 19 years old and I am living with my father and my younger brother who is 15. 

One night my father left his usual time to go out and I told my boyfriend that all is well, so he can come by because my brother had already gone to bed. When my boyfriend came, I did not let him come in the house. I took a sheet and we laid on the sheet in the grass. I heard footsteps and it was my father. He saw my boyfriend and I having sex. I had on my nightie, but no panty. My boyfriend had on his shirt but no pants. My father took his flashlight and held it on us and asked my boyfriend what he was doing with me. I tried to pull my night gown down, but I couldn’t. My father turned to me and said that I am a worthless b***h. My boyfriend got dressed and left, but I sat outside because I was afraid to go in.

Half an hour later and my father was still cussing me. He called me a slut and told me to pack my things and go to my mother.

Before he left for work, I begged him to forgive me. He asked me why I did not let the guy come in the house if I wanted to have sex with him. I told him I was afraid.

It is been a year since that has happened and I still cannot look my father in the face. When my brother asked me what happened, I told him that my boyfriend came to the house and my father saw him and got upset. My brother asked me if we were doing anything and I told him no. My father hasn’t said anything to him. 

My boyfriend and I are still friends. My father asked me if I am still seeing him and I told him we talk on the phone. I can’t go to my boyfriend’s house because he lives with his parents. I apologised to my father, but he has never apologised to me for telling me nasty words.
F. F.
Dear F. F.
You might be shocked at what I am about to say, but I will say it nevertheless. You caused your father to lose respect for you. You were his darling daughter, and if someone had told him that they saw you and your boyfriend having sex on his property, he would have cursed them. But he saw you in the very act and he expressed how shocked he was by cursing you. He might have told you some very hard words, but one thing you should never do is hold what he said to you against him.

I know that there are times when women are very hot. They seem unable to control their sexual desires, and for a few moments they can lose control of themselves. Unfortunately, some men do not care. Whenever the opportunity to have sex arises, they go for it. You could have said no to your boyfriend. You could have told him that it was not convenient because your father may return and indeed he did.

After you were caught, you begged your father pardon. That was the right attitude.

Although one may say he should not have called you a whore, you should remember that what you did was what prostitutes practise. They have sex anywhere - on the road side, behind buildings, etc. Some couples have sex on their lawn on moon shine nights, but you are the daughter of this man, so you had no right to go out in the open and have sex with your boyfriend.

I am glad that you and your father are doing well. Don’t demand an apology from him. Try to keep your head high. Get a good education and set a good example for your brother.


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